T H E S A N C T U A R Y

FLYING INTO RECOVERY ONE MINUTE AT A TIME

Greater Dayton Area Intergroup of Overeaters Anonymous

PO Box 1919, Dayton OH 45401-1919

Volume 13 issue 3

INSIDE THIS ADDITION:

Page 2...............Some Key Words

Page 3...............In Praise of The Big Book

Page 3...............A Trouble Shared - Step 5

Page 4...............Step 6

Page 4...............New Slogan

Page 6...............Circle

Page 6...............How Do I know I Qualify For OA Page

Page 7...............Testing 1-2-3

Page 7...............Accepting me, Accepting You

Notes From The Editor:

Well, we’re back with another issue. The last issue was a little bit hairy to get out, but we made it. We lost some of our information due to a virus at the last minute. It was recovered and we both said woo-hoo. Judy taught me that woo-hoo thing. She has some weird quirks for sure and some of them are catching.

Judy is still checking my punctuation and making sure that I keep things all neat and in a row. It doesn’t bother me to have it crooked, but she feels it will hurt your eyes. I have come to love her very much in just a few short months. When she is checking the paper she reminds me of a demented minister. Of course, I am always the picture of calmness. HA! Unless she is acting out, of course, and then.... I have determined that we are the perfect match, Felix Unger and Oscar Madison. No! I don’t smoke a cigar.

I am grateful to report to you that I am still sober from C O E and enjoying it. I am finished working the steps out of the Big Book and I learned a lot. It is amazing, but the Promises came true for me. It is a wonderful feeling not to have food be the center of my thinking and my universe. Like the Big Book says, I have been “rocketed into the 4th dimension.”

This month we will be doing the 5th and 6th steps. Wow, we are moving along! Fancy that!

I am pleased that several groups have taken the initiative to buy subscriptions to the newsletter. We are printing these babies and getting rid of them for the most part. If your group doesn’t have a subscription, consider it. It’s a good way to receive it for sure. You can send me the payment for the group and it will become active at the next issue.

Well, on with recovery and off with the pontificating.

Claudia

I took Step One, began to moan

I can't do this one on my own.

I took Step Two, began to pray

Restore me God, please now, today.

I took Step Three, gave up my will

Maybe God could love me still.

I took a Fourth, I looked inside

Nothing more would I hide.

And on the Fifth, I said aloud

I've done some wrong, and I'm not proud.

I took Step Six, and got prepared

To lose the defects, I was scared.

Now I'm at Seven, take them away

My God, for this I do pray.

And on Eight, the list was long

Amends to make for all the wrongs.

I took Step Nine, put down my pride

Amends made, I will not hide.

Step Ten I take, each day I pray

I make amends along the way.

And on Eleven I pray to know

Each day His Will, which way to go.

I take Step Twelve, I'm like a bird

To others now, I spread the word...

c. AA Grapevine, February 2000, page 8

(Author anonymous)

SOME KEY WORDS

Abstinence, Plan of Eating, Food Plan. It has taken me 5 years to even begin to get a handle on what these three mean to me. How to use them has been another step beyond trying to understand what they mean.

When I listen to others say, "I've been abstinent from 'sweets' or 'refined sugar and white sugar products... for X number of days, years, weeks months'," I have said to myself: "Whoo, quite an accomplishment", and then felt shame, embarrassment, humiliation because my own abstinence is not so all-encompassing.

But when I look at specific items in the 'sweets' category, for instance, I see some victories for me. No doughnuts, Twinkies, Hostess Cupcakes, Fanny Mae Candy, cotton candy, icing from a can, marshmallow toping, hot fudge sundaes, banana splits, cream puffs, and several others for 5 years!

Absolutists in OA might look down their noses at those items as not being much of an accomplishment. But when I stop comparing my accomplishments to theirs, 5 years without doughnuts is a serious victory for me. My accomplishments and those of my Greater Power, that I choose to call God.

Plan of eating is generally 3 meals a day, with nothing but fruit, popcorn or sugar-free popsicles in between. And being retired, and recently working midnight shift, has kind of scrambled my routine. When does the damned day start? And end? How many meals did I have within a twenty-four hour period is basically what I have to look at. Perhaps you don't think a schedule change would make that much difference, but it has. Thank God it is short term. No eating after my evening popsicle. I don't know about you, but not waking up in the middle of the night and raiding the fridge, specifically for high sugar foods to help me "go back to sleep," has been quite a victory! Thank you, God.

So, too, not eating in the car; eating with the lights on; not eating food too hot, cold, spoiled or suspect; eating slower; drinking more water; watching how much caffeine I ingest; trying to leave something on my plate to be thrown away; not eating off someone else's plate (and turning down their offers to 'finish off' something on their plate) -- those are BIG. Maybe not to you, but definitely for me.

And, how my pants fit and how many OA meetings I go to every week are also part of my plan of eating. So, too, are how I use the 8 essential tools.

Finally, food plan is, for me: abstinent from the sugar products mentioned above; watching the "P's"-- pizza, pretzels, popcorn, pizza rolls, Pringles potato chips, peanuts (honey-roasted, of course); the "C's"-- cotton candy, candy, cracker jacks, cheetos; adding more carbohydrates to my abstinence list (5 months without macaroni and cheese); cutting out peas and corn; reducing the amount of servings of bread at home and when I eat out; adding more fresh fruit, broccoli, asparagus and salads; drinking more water; walking more -- these are ways I'm working on the kinds of food I eat, or don't eat.

Trying an OA Program that is bracketed by rigid, uncompromising absolutes doesn't do anything for me but make me crazy! I have surrendered to the idea that rigid will not help me sustain long-term abstinence and recovery from compulsive eating. Not rigid, on the other hand, is not an excuse to slip in and do detrimental things that I can blow off under the "not rigid" cover.

I believe God will reveal more to me all the time in this journey towards a saner way of life with food -- not living to eat, but eating to live.

No, my "goal weight" of 185 pounds hasn't been achieved. But my "love handles" are disappearing; I can look at myself in the mirror (clothed or naked) and feel OK; my pants fit better and I haven't had to buy any larger sizes in 5 years. I haven't been going up in belt sizes. I feel better about how I can "feel" my body. So dang, it isn't perfect, but I believe OA when it says "We're not a diet or calories club"; "Spiritual progress rather than Spiritual perfection."

Meaning; Only God is PERFECT. The best I can hope for is "Spiritual Progress."

OA can sometimes be much more difficult to work than my AA or Al-Anon programs (17+ and 5+ years, respectively). I do have to eat. But slowly, I see I can simply eat to live, not live to eat. And so, the old phrase, "Keep coming back," is just as powerful a statement in OA as any other 12-Step Program.

It works if you work it! And, remember to thank my Greater Power, that I choose to call God. Almost forgot that. How could I? I did. But I remembered soon enough. Always, spiritual progress for me can only be attained in a partnership with that Greater Power, God as I understand God.

Jerry

"Lighting the Way:"

"Someone once observed: 'He who carries a lantern on a dark road at night sees only one step ahead. When he takes that step, the lamp moves

forward and another step is made plain. He finally reaches his destination in safety without once walking in darkness. All the way was lighted, but only a single step at a time. This is the method of God's guidance.’”

(Author anonymous)

IN PRAISE OF THE BIG BOOK

Even though I came to OA meetings for about 6 years, and then fell away, and am happily returned, I never wanted to really read the "Big Book". I had been to Big Book Meetings where portions were read, or where a story from the back was discussed, but couldn't figure out how people thought this book could be so helpful to them.

Now that I have seen the light and returned to OA, and actually gotten a sponsor, and even am willing to do some of the things that are asked of me, I realize how fortunate I am that she has asked me to work the steps using the Big Book.

I read and highlight and call and discuss, get input, and come away recognizing myself on almost every page. Although the 12 and 12 discusses the 12 steps in great detail, the Big Book seems to be the catalyst that makes me want to do the 12 steps in the first place. I am no longer reading a book about a bunch of alcoholics, but am reading a book about how I have thought, how I have tried, and how I have failed in the past. Also, this book gives great hope and many proofs that a spiritual answer is available to set me free.

I am so grateful to be back as an OA member, and this time am willing to read the Big Book and apply its great wisdom to my life.

Judy V.

Step 5

"We admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs."

From The End of the 5th Step-- The Big Book

“Returning home we find a place where we can be quiet for an hour, carefully reviewing what we have done. We thank God from the bottom of our heart that we know Him better. Taking this book down from our shelf we turn to the page which contains the twelve steps. Carefully reading the first five proposals we ask if we have omitted anything, for we are building an arch through which we shall walk a free man at last. Is our work solid so far? Are the stones properly in place? Have we skimped on the cement put into the foundation? Have we tried to make mortar without sand?”

A TROUBLE SHARED IS A TROUBLE CUT IN HALF

GEE! What a wonderful concept. When I wrote my 4th Step and then prepared myself to give it away the first time, I was a little bit apprehensive. I was sure that my tales where the worst that anyone had ever heard! That’s my ego working overtime. My ego does that as I’ve come to learn in this program. However, when I allow my mind to get very still, sometimes I’ll hear the word self, self. And, of course it was one of the first things I put on my list of character defects. (egotism)

As I let my list unfold with a trusted OA friend in a 5th step, I began to feel relief--a burden was lifted. Someone finally knew all about me to the level I was willing to share and they accepted me! With all of my flaws and defects they saw value in me. Imagine that!

I learned a valuable lesson on that day. A trouble shared is a trouble cut in half. Many of the resentments on my first inventory were things I’d never shared with another human-being--and I ate over them. They seemed much smaller now that someone knew them and accepted them as my truth and my story.

Since that time, I’ve done another 4th and 5th step and it was easier to give it to my sponsor. I had trust in God, the process, and him. Now I value that statement, “A trouble shared is a trouble cut in half.”

When I need to talk about a resentment or a problem, I call my sponsor. And, of course, it is usually cut in half. Sometimes it disappears--we see some humor in it and I can then get out of my serious self.

When I risk sharing a problem with my sponsor or another trusted COE, I find that one of my reasons for practicing my addictions disappear.

For me my sobriety depends on these two steps taken yearly.

Claudia

STEP 6:

"Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character..." Hey, that sounds great to me. My first instinct is to pray something like this: "God, please remove all the character defects of my ex--and my kid's--and my boss's..." But then, of course, I need to get honest and admit that I have some defects of my own to get rid of. Then I start to bargain with God: "Maybe I'll be ready to let you remove some of my defects if you also fix these other people on my list..." But that isn't right either. These are just excuses to prevent God from working on me.

Rationalization is perhaps the most difficult pitfall for Step 6, and for the CO it is directly related to overeating. In my case, I hardly ever deliberately exceed the right amount of food. Rather, I convince myself of some flimsy excuse: "It's okay to eat now because I'll probably have a very light dinner...I'm starting my diet tomorrow, so it won't matter what I eat today...I deserve to eat a lot for lunch because I had almost nothing for breakfast...I can eat a snack now because it is really just an early start on dinner...."

So rationalization is my bitter enemy, and I need to work on being honest and to stop wanting to hang on to my defects (and my excess weight). That is why Step 6 is very important to this CO.

EK, Beavercreek

How Do I Love Me? -- Let Me Count the Ways

(OR -- What I do to take care of myself.)

Ÿ I forgive myself for the stupid stuff.

Ÿ I make a phone call.

Ÿ I ask for help.

Ÿ I write some of my thoughts down on paper (formal journal or scrap of paper).

Ÿ I play in a mud puddle or jump in the water at the beach.

Ÿ I go to a meeting.

Ÿ I choose to sponsor.

Ÿ I call my sponsor.

(Yes, I know I could eliminate half of these if I just said, “I use the tools of OA,” but what fun would that be?)

Ÿ I read a book--whether it be the Big Book, Jane Ayre (my personal favorite, most romantic novel I’ve ever read in my whole life), War and Peace, OA’s 12 & 12, or a comic book.

Ÿ I maintain silence.

Ÿ I speak up for myself.

Ÿ I go to a movie (with or without a friend), and I skip the popcorn and milk duds.

Ÿ I laugh at myself and am silly.

Ÿ I make a mistake and don’t beat myself up for it.

Ÿ I have compassion for myself when I am in emotional pain (self-inflicted or not).

Ÿ I let people know me.

Ÿ I accept a hug from a friend and let it nurture me.

Ÿ I cry in a meeting.

Ÿ I allow myself to feel my feelings and to actually physically feel them.

Ÿ I brush my teeth when they feel cruddy--even if I already did that today.

Ÿ I sing out loud to a song I like.

Ÿ I dance.

Ÿ I let a group date with recovery friends be enough.

Ÿ I spend time with myself.

Ÿ I open myself up to more than my narrow definition of what I want and what I think I need.

Ÿ I let in the abundance and variety of all that my God has in store for me.

Ÿ I especially love me when I let the people in my life live their lives without any suggestions or input from me on anything.

Ÿ And last but, most obviously, not least--I love me the very most when I pray every day for God’s will in my life, in your life, and in our relationship--and I sit back and let that unfold.

Judy D.

NEW SLOGAN!!!!!!!

The World Service Organization sent a new slogan our way. They asked us to pass it on to you via this newsletter. So, I got to thinking that it might be a good idea to print a couple of slogans here to go with it, so it won’t be lonesome. First, the new one.

“Sponsorship: Together We Recover”

What does that mean to me? Well, actually it says a lot to me. I am learning from my sponsee and recovering with her. I believe that it’s an on- going process. So, I am fortunate that she has chosen me.

“Let Go and Let God”

For me it means that I will be letting go of the illusion that I am in control and that I can make people, places and things cooperate with me. Before I came into program, one of my favorite words was capitulate. GEEZ was I in the control mode? Was I a Nazi ruler or what?

“Easy Does It”

For me that means not going off on some wild tangent. I tend to spin off into a state of chaos.

“One Day At A Time”

For me that means exactly what it says--that I will take things one day at a time and not live in the past or the future. It is really easy for me to do just that and forget that when I am living in those two dimensions I can not do too much in the present.

What’s your favorite slogan? Send it in if you want to.

Claudia

A DIFFERENT PRAYER AND A LONGER VERSION OF THE PROMISES

At the Friday Big Book meeting, we are beginning with a different prayer. I want to share it with you.

God set aside everything I think I know about You, me, the program of OA and matters spiritual so that I may come to know the truth and be open to a new experience.

This prayer has helped me to relax and be open to a new message from my HP. It is helping me to let go of preconceived notions I have about myself and what I think I know about the program. It also reminds me to open my heart to a new spiritual concept and a new way of enriching my spirit.

The other wonderful thing that we are doing is using a longer version of the Promises. I want to share them with you because they gave me so much hope. My sponsor introduced them to me as we worked the steps out of The Big Book. I wondered as we navigated our way through them when and if I would feel the relief that they promised. He assured me that they would indeed come true and that a spiritual and psychic change where guaranteed if I took the steps and became spiritually fit. Well, he was right! These promises did come true--every one of them!

Now I say them every morning in their entirety because I love to be reassured that today they are as effective as they were yesterday. So, here they are:

“If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.

Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us, sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.

And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone, even food. For by this time sanity will have returned. We will seldom be interested in food. If tempted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame. We react sanely and normally, and we will find that this has happened automatically. We will see that our new attitude toward food has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes! That is the miracle of it. We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid. That is how we react so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition.”

& The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous pgs. 83 - 85 The word food has been substituted for alcohol.

CIRCLE

Today, I sat in a restaurant and watched as a waitress helped an old man to his car. Certainly, the end of his travels, down the road of life, are nearing. In another booth sat a young woman with a new born baby, just days old. As I held the new born, I realized, I have just witnessed the circle of life. The promises of things yet to come and the memories of things that have passed. Each is a part of the whole, each is important in its own way.

Still, all that is, is the present. I cannot change the past, I can only hope for the future. So today, I smile at the baby and wonder about its future and ponder at what the old man may have seen in his travels. I can find serenity in knowing that TODAY is where I need to be.

Mike

HOW DO I KNOW I QUALIFY FOR OVEREATERS ANONYMOUS?

!!WARNING: SPECIFIC FOODS MENTIONED BELOW. TRAVEL AT YOUR OWN RISK!!

This question came up at the Monday night OA meeting at St. Mark's recently, and it turned out to be an excellent topic for me to hear.

The leader shared about grazing and, essentially, never feeling the pangs of hunger as a result thereof. But, of course, she also never stopped eating. She talked, too, about sneaking food. Taking it out of the fridge when no one was looking, or literally cooking enough food for meals that she could have, through grazing and sampling, a meal all to herself. And then, serving the family their meal. And another one for her, as well.

It got me to thinking, hey, this is good! I can look at this myself. And what did I come up with?

Well, I have to say that none of these is in one of the essential food groups:

(not necessarily in alphabetical order): Pringles (1 can at a time, of course); Potato Chips (an entire bag in one sitting); Pretzels; Pretzels with mustard on them; honey roasted peanuts (a bag at a time, of course); macadamia nuts (bet you can't just eat one can!); cheetos; Snow Balls (12 packs); Hostess Twinkies (12 packs); NEWS FLASH, THE EVENING NEWS JUST ANNOUNCED A TWINKIE SHORTAGE AFTER BAKERS GO ON STRIKE! THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN A SOLID REASON TO RUN LIKE HELL TO THE GROCERY STORE AND BUY A GROSS! Hostess Cupcakes (12 packs); birthday cakes left behind at the store around ten PM at night; cream hornes; cream puffs; donuts; cinammon rolls; pizza rolls; pizza; sugar coated cereal (and therefore, I do qualify as a Cereal Killer); ice cream, of course; cans of icing; fudge and all kinds of candy; Fanny Mae candy; ice cream drumsticks/dilly bars (by the bag)/ice cream rolls; triple burgers at Wendy's; lots of macaroni and cheese (one box at a time); and on and on.

Also, picking stuff out of the trash that I threw away in a rash moment when I was trying to stop eating a certain food. Picking stuff off the floor and dusting, brushing or washing it off, so that I could eat it after the cat hairs were all gone; eating food that was stale, cold, frozen, or so hot that I burned my mouth to the point where skin peeled off; eating in the car so ravenously that I couldn't even remember what I ate (that applies to almost any setting); eating in the dark as I used to drink and smoke dope in the dark; seriously contemplating snorking down some food left on the bus boy tray; cleaning up my kid's left overs; reaching across the table and doing that, in front of friends and strangers; smashing up all the left over Pringles or Cheetos into a mash that I can more easily swallow (or drink); wishing that I really could blend up some pizza and chips and cheetos and just "drink" the whole mess; stealing food; wishing I'd get a good case of the flu so the vomiting and diarrhea would help me lose a good five pounds; realizing that I was thinking, during my second divorce, well, what the hell, this will be worth a good ten pound weight loss; laxatives or eating foods that might as well be laxatives.

The list could go on ad infinitum. The point is, if these behaviors don't qualify me for OA, I am not sure what does. And, of course, the notion that I NEED to eat before I go to bed, so the sugar will explode in my system and make me tired; or eating in the middle of the night, so I can more easily go back to sleep. On and on the list goes.

Yes, it was a wonderful topic. I think that I could easily add more. Imagine the furtiveness and absolute insanity of walking into Krogers at midnight after smoking a bunch of dope, and going through the left over birthday cakes, and not giving a damn what name or occasion was on it ... just to take it home and eat all that icing until I went literally into some kind of sugar stupor -- ON TOP OF SMOKING A BUNCH OF DOPE!

And then, of course, drinking a double bourbon and water and knocking back two Valium 25s so I can sleep through my Vietnam flashbacks. Hmm. As they say: some of us are sicker than others. But the beauty of OA is that by breaking the taboos, and speaking these crazy behaviors out loud, we help each other stay abstinent and in recovery from obsessive compulsive eating. What a wonderful gift from you to me, and me to you. And God all around!

Jerry E.

SANCTUARY NEW: TESTING 1-2-3

The Sanctuary will be conducting a test for the next 2 issues. We will be offering the newsletter to anyone with e-mail, who wishes to receive it, for free. However, a $5.00 donation for an electronic subscription would be nice. Now there is a deal!

We are doing this in an attempt to save money. We also hope to reach more people, too. Hard copies of the paper will still be printed for meeting and for group subscriptions in more limited quantities. The news rack price will continue to be $.50. The cost is to defray the price of printing.

So, how can you resist? Send your e-mail address to msquixie@cs.com and receive your copy.

We are also asking group reps to inform their groups of this change.

Thanks,

Claudia

LOVING ME........... ACCEPTING YOU

Before program I was always trying to fix people. By focusing on them I hid from myself, my problems. I was in fact, by saying look at this poor soul that needs my help, saying, I am in a better place than they are.

Today, I know two things--that there is a God, and that I am not him. If I couldn't fix my own problems, then why did I think I could fix theirs. This does not mean that caring stops, that wanting to reach out to others stops--just that there are boundaries. I pray for help to find those boudoirs. By doing so, I can better do what it is that God has planned for me. I can live my life according to his plan.

Mike

***THE THURSDAY NIGHT MEETING at St. Mark’s can use your support. It is a discussion meeting. Come if you can and bring your experience, strength and hope! 7:00 P.M.***

STEP 6

IT SHOWS ON YOUR FACES

“WERE ENTIRELY READY TO HAVE GOD REMOVE ALL THESE DEFECTS OF CHARACTER.”

“It is very likely that we will willingly take the 6th step.” (A guide to the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous)

For me this is a true statement. I saw what my sponsor had and I wanted it. I also saw it in some of your faces, too. It’s called serenity. You are living a life that is happy, joyous and free. That was something that I wanted badly. The thing that stops me from receiving these gifts are my character defects. I couldn’t do a blessed thing with them. Oh sure--I tried to bargain a few away with God; but it didn’t work. He made Monti Hall--He isn’t Monti.

I think the beauty of this step resides in the fact that all I need to do is be willing to have my defects removed and turn them over to God with the understanding that He will remove them when He is ready. I don’t have control. All that I need to do is ask for guidance in doing my part.

Lately, God has been showing me some of my character defects. You know, I was really uncomfortable seeing them. I like to delude myself into thinking I am a wholly pious person. EGO AGAIN.

I realized this morning that what I need to do is to put down my guilt, and pick up my attitude of willingness, and ask for His guidance in the footwork. I also must remember that it is my best thinking that got me here in the first place.

Thank-you to all of you that have gone before me and worked this program. It shows on your faces.

Love,

Claudia

FEAR

When I hit 50 last year, I figured there probably weren’t as many years ahead of me as behind me. I am, therefore, taking more risks. I will be 51 on Mother’s Day; and I figure that if I keep letting fear keep me from doing things as I have in the past, I may miss out. And I really don’t want to miss out on anything!

I just keep thinking, “What is the worst thing that could happen?” And “What do you have to lose?” It just seems better to me than staying “safe” and alone in this little place that I keep myself. I can’t grow in this little place. It’s too lonely in this little place.

I’m looking at all my addictions, being with myself, being in the moment the best I can. I’m experimenting with being a single person in the 90’s with my heart wide open. And I’m making mistakes. But I am excited about life and learning lessons.

The Big Book talks about getting us back out there. Well, here I am back out there. Living life the best I can. God doing for me what I could not do for myself as far as my abstinance--and me letting him. That’s the real miracle--me letting him!

I hope to see more of us out here taking risks and sharing our experiences and learning from each other. This way, I don’t have to make all the mistakes myself! I’m much more willing these days to learn from your mistakes too, if you’ll share them with me.

Well, that all sounded good, didn’t it? Lest you think I’ve got a handle on this fear thing, let me tell you I don’t. I’d like to learn to date. I never have really dated much, being a teenager in the 60’s (free love and all). So, unless I want to sit around waiting for someone to ask me out (I’m always open for that--but not sitting around waiting for it), I would have to ask someone. Maybe just out for coffee.

That strikes terror in my heart. I know it’s the 90’s and all, but the fear of rejection is WAY TOO BIG. I don’t know how men do that.

We each do what we can with fear, but I read recently that we should know that most of the fear we have is just in our heads. It’s like the boogie man--it really doesn’t exist.

So I am doing the best I can with it. Trying to observe myself--my internal reactions to situations. Observing the thoughts in my head that cause my feelings--my beliefs.

My tendency is to go in search of what I think I want. This has always caused me to get in trouble in the past, especially where relationships are concerned. I am trying not to cruise meetings for unsuspecting suitors. But sometimes, it does get me to meetings!

I am, however, remaining open to what God has in store for me (who knows). I’m still hoping God has a relationship in store for me with a man whom I can love and who will love me in return. (And, it goes without saying, that will last forever!) I’m hoping to meet someone who wants to practice the relationship dance with me and me with him and to learn to dance together, apart, step on toes and be OK--whatever the dance may bring. By the way, “hoping” is not “expecting,” and “being open to” is not “forcing solutions.”

Part of me (I was going to say “always”, but changed my mind), most of the time, wants to know what is going to happen. I want to know what God has in store for me before I decide to turn my will and life over to his care. But there is another part of me that LOVES surprises. I’m trying to keep that perspective in mind. We’ll see what we will see. Thanks to all of you in the meetings I attend that have been there to validate me on my journey, pick me up when I fall, and love me through my healing.

Judy D.

IT SHOWS ON YOUR FACE

You don’t have to tell how you lie each day;

You don't have to say if you work or play,

A tried true barometer services in it’s place,

However you live it shows on your face.

The false, the deceit that you wear in your heart

Will not stay inside where it got its start;

For sinew and blood is a thin veil of lace,

However you live, it shows on your face.

If you have battled and won in the game of life,

If you feel you’ve conquered the sorrow and strife;

If you’ve played the game square

and you stand on first base,

You don’t have to tell it, it shows on your face.

If your life’s been unselfish; for others you live;

And not what you get but what you can give;

And you live close to God, in His infinite Grace,

You don’t have to tell it, it shows on your face.

Ben Burroughs

Distributed by Hazelden Publications

Given by Paula W.

UP AND COMING EVENTS!!!!!!!

8/3-6/00

World Service Convention-Dallas Texas

9/9/00

Region V-Ohio day of sharing-Columbus

10/13-15/00

Region V Convention-Cleveland Ohio

HELP WANTED--The Public Information committee is looking for volunteers. There are various jobs available. Some will deal with the public a great deal and others will be background type jobs. We really need your help. If you are willing to give service call Claudia I.

MEETING CHANGE!!!

Richmond Indiana, Reid Memorial Hospital, 1401 Chester Blvd. Thursday night.

Attention: Indiana does not go on DSTime. The meeting will start at 7:00pm EST in Richmond and 8:00pm EDT Dayton Time.

The opinions expressed herein are the opinions of the individuals who have contributed

and not those of Overeaters Anonymous as a whole.

Thank-You to all who contributed to this issue of the newsletter--your service is appreciated. Next Dead-line: June 1. A little late? Don’t sweat it! Send it anyway!!