THE
SANCTUARY
A
TRANQUIL MESSAGE FOR THE MIND--
THROUGH
STEPS NINE AND TEN
Greater Dayton Area
Intergroup of Overeaters Anonymous
P.O. Box 1919, Dayton
OH 45401-1919
Volume 12, Issue 5 September/October
2000
Notes From The Editor:
Happy
September everyone. Gosh, it seems like
the summer just started. For me it has
been a good and abstinent time. I am
glad that I can report that. By the
time this issue hits the OA stands I will have celebrated 3 years in program --
a small amount of time compared to many of you.
Though it
is only 3 short years, I would like to say that they have been the best three
years of my life. I owe that to my HP,
the OA program, my sponsor and all of you.
Thanks so much.
In July I
went to the Region V Assembly in Ft. Wayne.
It was really cool. Lots of
voting and stuff. It is definitely
worth your checking out if you have an opportunity and a few bucks for a hotel
room. Becky was nice enough to share
her room with me.
At this
time which looking at my calendar, around ¾’s of July is gone. I’m not good with dates and I am not really
looking at the calendar, but I am
working on that honesty thing well hum.
Whoops, I digressed again. :-) I
am working on the skit for the Ohio Day of sharing with Judy V. She is the talent and I am her muse. It’s going to be a really fun day I am
sure.
I am
hoping that Dayton will turn out in massive #’s and that I will be able to
coerce lots of folks into participating.
I am planning to go to the Saturday meeting this week. And, for all of you who know me, you
probably realize that I’ll be beating the bushes and looking for talent to take
on the road. I live to recruit. I figure if my husband puts me out to work,
I can maybe recruit for the Dragon’s here in Dayton. What do ya think?
This month
we are doing steps 9 and 10.
The
newsletter is going up online to the web address, so you will be able to read
the current edition of the paper as
well as those from months past and compare articles. The link is: http://www.region5oa.org/dayton/newsletter.html
Mike is
working on a retreat for us. Thanks
Mike.
We are
also getting ready to head out to Cleveland in October for the Region V
Convention 2000. You can obtain a copy
of the registration online at the Region V web page. Next year, Dayton will be hosting it, so gather ideas while
you’re there for it.
Well, I
suppose you’ve heard enough from me so on with the show--this is it! Whoops!
That’s for the skit! This is the
paper. Ehhhhhhh
INSIDE THIS EDITION:
Anonymity
and Sponorship..............................pg. 2
Irrational
Fear..................................................pg. 4
Life
Is Great.....................................................pg. 4
Step
8................................................................pg. 5
No
One Told Me OA Could Be Fun...............pg. 7
NEW MEETING
There is a
new meeting in the Dayton Area. It is
at the Miami Valley Hospital, Women’s Pavilion, Floor W, Room 2. The focus of this meeting will be the Steps,
using OA’s 12 & 12. Many thanks go
out to Nan S for all of her hard work in getting the meeting started. Please come and help get this meeting off
the ground.
ATTENTION!!
DO YOU RECEIVE THIS PUBLICATION BY MAIL? IF YOU ARE AN INTERGROUP ON OUR LIST OR AN INDIVIDUAL READER AND
CAN RECEIVE THIS VIA WWW., PLEASE CONTACT ME @ MSQUIXIE@CS.COM SO I CAN TAKE
YOU OFF THE SNAIL MAIL LIST. TRYING TO
SAVE A $$ :-)
CHILDHOOD MEMORIES
When I was a child, I could feel. If I was unhappy, joyful, angry, fearful, or
full of wonder, I felt it. As I grew, I
lost that gift. I became an adult that
tried not to feel. Now in recovery, I
am growing by going back to my beginnings.
As I learn about my feelings, I am reborn and get to grow again.
MIKE J.
ANONYMITY AND SPONSORSHIP
Anonymity is
the spiritual foundation of our program.
It promises me safety in sharing in a meeting. The OA Unity Handbook asks on page 8, Item 7, “Do group members
divulge the name and content of member’s sharing outside a meeting?” What affects has this break in anonymity had
individually on members and collectively on the group? In what ways is confidentiality honored by
your group?
These questions
make it clear to me that to mention whom we saw and what they said once we are
out of the meeting is a break in anonymity.
One of the “closings” we use says, “what you have heard here (in the
meeting) or shared member to member must be held in confidence as only in this
way can we feel safe to share what is in our minds and hearts. By not mentioning whom I saw with what they
said, I do not have to decide how much information is too much to pass along.
Since gossip
was such a problem for me before OA, I take special care to not get myself in
situations where I have to evaluate what to pass on and what not to. I can pass on the message of hope and
recovery; but to me, it is always a break in anonymity to say, “So-and-so said
this-or-that at the thus-and-so meeting.”
To attach a name to the message can set me up to place personalities
before principles, which is a violation of Tradition 12, the one on
anonymity.
I believe the
traditions are more than good suggestions.
They may not be as rigid as stone carved rules, but changing their
intent to suit me, is not my right. As
an organization, we have these traditions to maintain order for the greater
good.
As detailed
in the Region V Bylaws and Policies and Procedures Manual, Page E6, a major
duty of the Region V Rep is to be aware of tradition breaks in our meetings and
to report all violations to the Region V Trustee if members are uncooperative
at stopping tradition breaks. I am
certainly not the Tradition Police by any means, but we do need to be informed
that as a fellowship the traditions are more than just good ideas. There are enforceable remedies from WSO for
groups that insist on running their meetings other than in accordance with the
traditions. This also applies to how we
conduct ourselves outside meetings regarding meeting matters or fellowship
members.
I believe
also that the spirit of Tradition 12, anonymity, extends itself “ever reminding
us to place principles before personalities” as respects the subject of sponsorship--whom
I sponsor and who sponsors me. While I
am aware of the very close relationships we can develop with sponsors and
sponsees, we need guard against putting anyone and their recovery on display or
upon a pedestal.
We are all
one bite away from compulsive eating, no matter how long we have been
abstinent. I do not go around casually
mentioning that “I was so-and-so’s sponsor” or “I am you-know-who’s
sponsor.” Nor do I say, “My sponsor,
‘anyname,’ said....” To do that, in my
opinion, places emphasis on the personality not the principles. In this program, we can have one sponsor or
several sponsors. We may also change
sponsors at will and for any reason.
What about
the comments in the last Sanctuary about people having sponsors that are
not abstinent? Are we to judge who is a good sponsor and
who isn’t? What will we base that on?
Will we not sit in judgment if we know you have a sponsor that you dearly love
and believe in but does not fit the “abstinence criteria?” I do not believe I have the right to tell
anyone whom they need to have as a sponsor or not need to have. I would trust that we get a sponsor that has
“what we want.” I do not want to ever
again suffer in the pain of overeating.
In my
opinion, one cannot overeat and not be compulsive about it. You can bet that I will have an abstinent
sponsor to the best of my ability to recognize abstinent behavior.
As to using
last names in program, some people do not care if their last names are used
with their first names, but I do not see it as necessary in regular
conversation. Some of us do NOT want
our last names used. I may use my last
name, but others may not use my last name.
I am not going to carry around a list of names--yes, I can use their
last name/no, I can’t use their last name--when mentioning them. Yes, we need to KNOW last names in case of
illness or tragedy, but not in casual conversation. Within service bodies, our last names are needed.
When calling
on media, we can say our last names but need to ask them not to print it or
speak it (radio announcements). How
will newcomers know THEIR privacy will be protected if we casually toss around
last names in meetings after announcing that we go around the room introducing ourselves,
first names only? Some of us or our
family members may be public figures or just very well known in society. We may not want that distinction having any
bearing on us being in OA.
Many of us
need a period of time in OA to develop a safety net before we are comfortable
letting others get to know us or letting our outside contacts know we now
belong to OA. How many of us had major
trust issues when we first got here? I
sure know I did. There is still a lot
of stigma attached in society to belonging to a 12-step group. Not everyone on the outside NEEDS to know I
go to OA or any other 12-step group I may attend. I do not need to wear a sign advertising it, nor am I ashamed of
it. I freely share with others my
affiliation(s) any time I see it as an opportunity to share the message. However, I do not go around handing out
literature to those I judge “need it.”
We live in a
very small world. I certainly don’t
know whom everyone is or where they work or to
whom they may be related. Nor do
any of you know whom I may be related to outside the meetings or even inside
the meetings. We need to talk about
anonymity with newcomers so they understand this concept.
What if they
see someone in a meeting that they recognize from some other place? Do we want them going out in public and
saying, “I saw Sally Jones at the OA meeting.”
What if Sally isn’t yet ready for just “anyone” to know she goes to
OA? How many times have we run into
someone while we are with another OA person?
I have had OA people act like they didn’t even know me in public for
fear of their companion possibly finding out HOW they know me.
We need to
leave the outside trappings at the OA door and enter with the safety of knowing
all are equal here--whether we are a ‘bigwig’ in town or some ordinary person,
rich or poor, drive a new car or junker, dress like a fashion plate or in
church basement giveaways.
I am in the
meetings to get recovery from compulsive eating and to help others find
recovery from compulsive eating--plain and simple. I am not here to be in a “social club,” although I have made
tremendous friendships within the fellowship.
It is not a popularity contest.
Nor is it a diet and calories club.
The evidence
that this program works in my life is in my behavior and life OUTSIDE the
meetings. Have I stopped eating
compulsively? Yes. How do I know this? My proof is in saner, clearer thinking,
WEIGHT LOSS--yes, I was fat when I got here.
Now I am not. While thin is not
necessarily well, wellness will make one thin.
That is not original but worth repeating. Have my relationships improved?
You bet!! Beyond my wildest
dreams. Has my behavior improved?
Let me count
the ways. Today I have physical and
emotional boundaries that I maintain. I
surround myself with recovering spiritual people and limit my exposure to
people living in their addictions and creating their own chaos. I have productive hobbies, I use my mind, I
give service at various levels and within my family. I no longer walk around feeling sorry for myself sure that life
will never change.
I had to
change and change I did. Happy, joyous
and free of the obsession for excess food as long as I stay in fit spiritual
condition. Keep coming back. Share the message but not the
messenger. We are not a secret society,
but let’s use caution in our sharing.
Whom you see here, when you leave here, let it stay here. And let it begin with me.
Becky C, Greater Dayton Intergroup Region V Rep
IRRATIONAL FEAR
When my
daughter was about 5 or 6, I took her to swimming lessons at a local YMCA. I would walk her up to the door of the
woman's locker room and she would go through it to the pool. I would go back and sit in a hallway and
watch through large windows as the kids swam in the pool.
One day we
got there early and sat and watched the class before hers finish up. Two of the
mothers were talking about how great it was that they had the kids going in
"THE DEEP." One mother said
that she was afraid to go in "THE DEEP." We sat and watched the little kids jump off the diving board and
an instructor waiting below would pull them up and start them towards the edge.
When it was
time, I took my daughter to the locker room door, said my good-byes, and told
her I would be out front. She never
came out of the locker-room and into
the pool area. I went back and found
her scared because she had heard the mothers talking about "THE
DEEP."
The next day
she did not want to go to her lesson. She was afraid of "THE DEEP"
and yet she didn't know what it was.
Well, my daughter grew up to love the water, is a great swimmer, and
started her children in early learning to swim.
She learned
to conquer her irrational fear.
I often think
that some of my own fears are that irrational.
That once conquered, they will let me enjoy my life to a fuller extent
and be happier.
That I will be able to share that joy with others. MIKE J.
Region V now
has an e-mail directory. If you are in
Region V and would like to be in the directory read the guidelines at this
link. http://www.region5oa.org/region5/email.html
LIFE IS GREAT!
(BLESSING BESTOWED DURING A CAR ACCIDENT)
I remember
the traffic light turning green and accelerating. My car had barely reached the middle of the intersection. Suddenly, I felt my body being jolted from
side to side. I heard the sound of
breaking glass and crushing metal. I
felt my car spinning out of control and watched it land at an angle on the
sidewalk. I removed my crushed glasses
from against my face and smelled the contents of my lunch box on the car
seat. I had been hit.
Stunned, I
looked up. I was still alive. My knees ached from hitting the
dashboard. I couldn't speak. I sat in my car shaking and wondering what
to do next. My brain was on
autopilot. My first thought finally
registered, "Who can I call?
Everyone I know in Dayton is at the noon OA meeting." Before being hit, I was on my way to the
Wednesday noon OA meeting. While
driving, I was thinking to myself that life is great! After being in relapse for eight years and recently moving to
Dayton, I was back in OA fellowship and had been abstinent for 36 days. The front of my car was completely
smashed. I immediately asked my Higher
Power to help me.
I heard
someone ask, "Are you okay?"
I saw a total of four different cars pull over and ask me if I needed
help. I heard someone say that I was in
shock. Then, an elderly man approached
my car and said, "Hi, I'm your neighbor and was in the car behind
you. I witnessed the entire accident
and can take you home." I did not
recognize this man, but, he recognized me.
I thanked my Higher Power for sending me this angel. My neighbor kindly removed all of my
valuables from my trunk and car seats and put them in his car for safe
keeping.
Meanwhile,
four people patiently waited for the police to arrive and gave eyewitness
accounts confirming that the man who hit me ran a red light. Later, the police officer told me that the
male driver admitted that he ran the red light and wanted me to know that he
was very sorry. I later realized that I
was in shock due to the accident AND the kindness of all of these strangers.
The accident
occurred at 11:40 am. When I got home,
it was 5:00 PM. I realized that I had
only eaten breakfast. I was afraid to
eat because I was still jittery and in shock.
I prayed for serenity-- despite the calamity--and decided to take a warm
"meditation bath" before eating.
I used the time in the tub to soak my muscles and to plan how I would
use my OA tools to maintain my abstinence.
In the past, whenever anything traumatic happened to me, I buried my anxieties in food and
rationalized that I deserved to binge given the circumstances I had
endured. NOT THIS TIME!!! I decided to call my sponsor, but she was
not at home. I tried another OA member
and that member was not at home. I
started to feel lightheaded, so I prayed and asked my Higher Power to guide me
through the meal. I recited the
serenity prayer out loud, prepared my planned meal, sat down, and put my fork
down between each bite. When finished,
I immediately got up from the table, said a prayer of thanks, then read my OA
literature.
In one
afternoon, I learned how caring people can be, how precious life can be, and
how effective the OA tools can be if I use as many as possible! Only my Higher Power could have helped me
remain abstinent throughout this frightening ordeal. God is truly doing for me what I could not do for myself. Life IS great!
Aaron
STEP 8
Step into my
parlor said the spider to the fly!
That’s the way I’ve felt about making amends! I was more worried about getting my block knocked off than
setting things straight. (I’m happy to
report that no harm came to me from making amends.)
I have only
two amends left to make from the long list in Step 8. When I finally became willing and ready (and my sponsor said that
this amend needed to be done in person), this person had moved out of town the
previous week, and left no forwarding address with coworkers. So I continue to pray for this person the
grievance prayer as described in the Big Book in “The Freedom from Bondage”
story. I wish every good thing to come
into their life the same as I wish for myself--harmony, good health, happiness,
success, and prosperity. I’ve also let
my H.P. know if the amend still needs to be made in person, then to allow our
paths to cross again.
My family was
speechless when I made amends with them and they have never remarked on them,
then or now. My family and I have a lot
of communication problems. About the
only thing different that I’ve noticed is that they are less likely today to
drudge up things from the past that involve me directly, and that’s a relief!!
With all the
job-hopping I’ve done, and the businesses that have merged or gone out of
business, the number of coworkers on my amends list is quite long. (I used to have a real knack for being in
the wrong place, at the wrong time, saying the wrong thing!) So I wrote a letter to my H.P. and put it in
my “God Box” that I’ve had a change or heart and can now see where I was wrong,
and ask my H.P. for guidance for today so I can avoid these types of
situations.
Probably the
hardest person to make amends to has been myself. I never saw any shades of gray till I worked these steps. Everything had to be black or white, right
or wrong, good or bad, “a” or “non-a.”
Now I’m beginning to see a beautiful tapestry of colors where others are
entitled to their opinion, the same as me.
Life looks much brighter now.
OA hugs to
all -
Anonymous
STEP 9
MADE DIRECT AMENDS TO SUCH PEOPLE WHEREVER POSSIBLE,
EXCEPT WHEN TO DO SO WOULD INJURE THEM OR OTHERS.
“...asking each morning in meditation that our
Creator show us the way of patience, tolerance, kindliness and love.” BB pg.83
I have come
upon the eighth and ninth steps again in my program. Having done them before, I am less anxious about things like, the
reaction of the person that I will be making my amends to. I have come to realize that this step is the
step that allows the promises to come true for me in a lasting way. Therefore, I must be willing to make amends
if I want to have sustained abstinence.
It’s the things that I have done and am not willing to set straight that
will cause me to compulsively overeat--if not today then perhaps tomorrow.
What occurred
to me just now is that I never did get to this step in my OA program until this
past year. This is why I had such a
problem with slips and white knuckling it.
I didn’t work all of the steps!
In order to receive the results that are promised, I have to follow the
simple instructions in the Big Book, precisely and completely. If I divert from the path, I will end up
with a less than desirable result. Been
there done that!! OUCH.
When I am
unwilling to set things straight with people, I have to live in fear. Fear that they are going to bring up the
incident. Sometimes they do, and then I
feel the need to circumvent the issue by
changing the topic, placing blame on them, or just plain taking off.
I have
several amends that I haven’t made yet
and, I am sure that when I repeat it again this week, I will find more
that I need to add to the list.
One of the
amends that I haven’t made is for good reason.
It is not the right time to do so.
But when the time is right, I pray that I will be willing to set the
past in order.
The other
amend was not done because I didn’t want to do it. I made an excuse that I didn’t have the money, but that isn’t the
reason at all. I have thought that my
husband will become privy to my poor behavior if I make the amends.
However, upon
writing this I have come to the conclusion that my thinking is not anywhere
near what it needs to be. I can buy a
money order, or I can just write the check and explain to my husband that I am
making an amends. Why should he
mind? He certainly liked the amends
that I made to him--even though I wasn’t handing out cash. LOL.
I can then
write the letter to my employer and let them know that I need to make
amends. So, with that in mind, I am
going to commit to myself that I will do this before the end of the week.
The other
thing that I would like to talk about is the harm that I have done to my
family. It is so easy for me to brush
that away and say, “oh, my eating, drinking and drugging only hurt me, but that
is not anywhere near the truth either.
I harmed them plenty with my behavior.
After making
my amends to them, I felt good.
However, I need to remember that the amends must go on. I must change my behavior. Sobering up didn’t result in the wand
treatment that I fantasize about. You
know? Where I am instantly transformed
into the good princess. My behavior
still runs toward the side of selfish, self-seeking, dishonest, frightened and
inconsiderate. That is where I need to
follow the instructions in the Big Book and set aside my family’s defects (as I
conceive them to be) and begin to show them that I am willing to do things in a
different way, not just for a week, but consistently over time.
I believe in
this program and I believe that I must do what the steps tell me to do, if I
hope to remain abstinent and receive what the promises guarantee me.
Claudia
FRIENDSHIP
“Friendship is the only concrete that can hold the
world together.”
Author unknown
Probably the
greatest gift of this program has been to realize that I don’t have to do
everything by myself. I have a Higher
Power to guide me and sponsors and other friends in the program who care about
me.
I used to
have the mistaken belief that it wasn’t safe to trust other people or to be
close to them emotionally. This program
has taught me how to share safely with others at meetings and with my sponsors,
and to trust my H.P. to guide me. The
emotional pain has lessened considerably and so have my fears.
People tell
me that I’ve changed a great deal over the years. Today I’m grateful for all my OA friends. THANKS A BUNCH.
Anonymous
DON’T LEAVE BEFORE THE MIRACLE HAPPENS
This is just
a note from "little ol’ me" to “little ol’ you” to say that OA has
been such a blessing in my life. I
could have never known what miracles would be happening in my life when I
walked through those doors 12 years ago.
To put down the food and keep it put down is nothing less than a
miracle, one day at a time. To know how
to handle situations which used to baffle me is a miracle. To be able to just not overeat and to say
“No” to my binge foods and to bingeing are miracles. To develop a working relationship with a higher power that is
ever present and gives me everything I need but not necessarily what I think I
want is beyond my comprehension.
I have a life
and inner peace today that far surpass what I could have ever thought could be
mine. I owe all of this to the miracle
of Overeaters Anonymous, the fellowship itself, the people both before and
after me that set up chairs, sit in chairs, carry keys, carry the message of
hope of recovery from compulsive eating.
My life today is truly BEYOND MY WILDEST DREAMS. Keep coming back. Don't leave until the miracle happens. And once it does, please stay to share the message with others still struggling to believe that this
gift can be theirs, too.
Thanks so
much for being a part of my OA recovery.
You have had a role in my recovery and I thank you for that.
Becky
YOUR HELP IS NEEDED
The Public
Information Committee sends out a fax to the following newspapers and cable
company’s on a weekly basis. I would
like to ask you to look in the publications that you receive at home, and
occasionally watch your cable, to see if you see the PSA ads that I am
placing. If you do, will you make a
notation of where you saw it and what week it was? This only needs to be done for one month. I am mainly interested to see if we do get
in the papers -- DATV, MVCC, KETTERING/ OAKWOOD TIMES, SKYWRITER, ENGLEWOOD
INDEPENDENT,
CENTERVILLE/BELLBROOK TIMES, BEAVERCREEK NEWS.
Also, if you
can think of another publication that warrants a PSA let me know.
Thanks,
Claudia
NO ONE TOLD ME OA COULD BE FUN
When I came
into OA in January, I heard a lot about how OA could help me lose weight, and
how my relationships with people could get better, and that God would be a
bigger part of my life. All of these
things have come true, but I found out there's even more.
OA can be
fun!!!! I find myself laughing at the
antics of other members at meetings, whether recognizing my own issues in what
they say, or just enjoying a bunch of friends cutting up. Whenever I'm at an OA meeting, I feel relaxed, secure, safe, and comfortable. There are no expectations on
my behavior, either from others, or from myself. I'm at home. And the more at home I feel, the more I find myself amused at the
comments and reactions of my OA family.
There is much laughter at times, in the middle of resolving much
pain. What a joy!
My days are
getting interesting, because more and
more people are coming into my life:
Sponsor, Grand sponsor, Sponsoree’s, fellow members. I care what's happening to each of them, and
am thrilled when life deals with them kindly.
I am finally a part of a whole, and feel like I've found what I've been
looking for all of my life -- joy, warmth, humor, caring...(and sanity).
Also, service
can lead you into a place of joy.
Trying to write words to the songs for the OA skit has been a
stitch. I look forward to the time when
everyone gets together to make their food item signs,
that will be a howl.
Then there's
the trip to Columbus in September, where we not only get to make idiots of
ourselves, but we also get to watch people from other cities make idiots of
themselves. It's starting to be fun to
be in OA. Hope I don't get addicted to
it.
Judy V
STEP 10
CONTINUED TO TAKE PERSONAL INVENTORY AND WHEN WE
WERE WRONG PROMPTLY ADMITTED IT.
This is a
step that I am trying to use as the Big Book directs me to do. The instructions aren’t always the easiest
things for me to remember. I think it’s
because the concept was pretty much foreign to me until I began working the
steps out of the Big Book. “...we continue
to take personal inventory and to set right mistakes as we go along.” That tells me that I need to look at my
day as it goes along and make amends as they come up. Well, frankly, sometimes I am still in my own little world,
“center of the universe” type thinking.
When I hurt someone, or make a mistake, I generally know it; but I
am sometimes reluctant to make the
amends or to even do the right thing. I
hate saying that I am sorry, and sometimes I am just rebellious as all get out. Probably a good reason to watch what I am doing and saying.
I am finding
out that one way to avoid this dilemma is by calling my sponsor before I say or
do what is on my mind, especially if I am angry.
Talking it
over with him cuts the problem in half and helps me to decide whether saying
something is necessary and if it is, what the best way will be for me to handle
it. It saves me a lot of errrrrrr I’m
s-s-s-s-s-sorrys’.
I also try to
talk with someone as soon as possible if I have been dishonest, selfish, resentful or afraid. This keeps me from
focusing on myself and “sitting in the chicken coop,” for an unnecessary amount
of time -- something that I have been prone to do in the past and still do from
time to time. I make a mistake and then
I decide to use a little self- flagellation to remedy it. Not what the Big Book tells me to do.
It says to
talk with someone and then resolutely turn my thoughts to someone I can
help. That can be program people,
family or others.
Today, I
learned another lesson. I made the
mistake of not being honest in all of my affairs. You know I stood there at the cash register knowing that my HP
was giving me a chance to correct the cashier in not charging me enough. Why?
Because she was taking forever in giving me my change. I didn’t take the chance. By the time I drove away in the car half way
to Dayton from Cleveland I knew that I made a mistake. I was feeling guilty. A miracle in one sense. Because there was a time that this didn’t
bother me at all. I used to think God
was giving me a break. Imagine
that!!! I sure can deceive myself. LOL.
When I got to
my AA meeting, the Chair asked if anyone had a topic and I said that I wanted
to discuss absolute honesty and said that I had something I needed to tell the
group.
I was glad
that I brought the topic up. I heard
lots of experience strength and hope.
What it boiled down to was this:
1. During that time of waiting,
what I needed to do was pray and ask my HP for guidance instead of depending
upon my thinking which can be very skewed.
2. My HP will be giving me the
opportunity to work on this defect until I get it right.
This episode
taught me a valuable lesson. The dollar
I got over on was not worth my serenity or my loss of self-esteem. An amends is in order for sure. Both restitution and living amends. A lesson learned, a lesson learned. Painful for sure.
Claudia
12 “NEWCOMER” ISOLATION BREAKERS”
When I am in
my disease, I use isolation and geographics to cope. Once again, I have moved to a new town--this time Dayton--but I
have returned to OA and am working the Program. My usual routine is to move to a new town, locate the stores that
sell my binge foods, rent an apartment that has a fitness room or that is near
a fitness center (for purging through over-exercise), and justify hiding from
coworkers, neighbors, and would-be friends because my job allows me to work at
home. NOT THIS TIME!!! In the past, I rationalized that "I am
only in this town for one year, so, why should I waste time getting to know
someone--why get involved in social activities--why should I try to learn my
way around town--why get close to people if we must say good-bye to each other
shortly?" I used my isolation to
delve deeper into my disease. I worked,
took binge breaks, then purged through exercise seven days a week. At one point, I was burning off 1000 to 1200
calories per workout. Little wonder I
had no time for socializing! Today, I
understand that a significant part of my
abstinence involves reaching out to others. Here are 12 "baby step" strategies I have made use of
recently:
1. I visit
different OA meetings in order to meet a wide range of people and to help
myself learn my way around Dayton. (The
meeting list on the Internet was very helpful!)
2. Instead of
hurrying across the room to hug the few people I know, I try to hug every OA
member in my path as I work my way across the room to hug members I already
know.
3. I try to
introduce myself to at least one person I do not know at each OA meeting.
4. I try to get
to meetings early in order to acquaint myself with whoever is chairing the
meeting. (I also try to get there early
to see if I can be of service.)
5. I volunteer
to read the formal OA material that opens the meeting in order to stay focused
and to feel like I am truly a part of the meeting. (I also try to read as if I am sharing the material for the first
time, thereby opening myself up to new insights.)
6. I try to be
physically, emotionally, and spiritually PRESENT at meetings and take mental
and (sometimes) written notes on what each OA member's comment can teach
me. (Alas! I am teachable!)
7. I try to
share honestly about my experiences as a compulsive overeater during
meetings. Giving public voice to my
experiences lessens my isolation and my shame.
8. If I am
emotionally able, I try to smile at OA members. (Note: Smiling is contagious and is one of the easiest isolation
breakers!)
9. I make OA
phone calls and e-mail OA members.
10. I purchased
the OA group handbook from the OA bookstore in order to learn about our
organization and its different committees.
After reading the handbook, I joined two OA committees.
11. I read OA
pamphlets in order to familiarize myself with new ways of thinking AND acting,
hoping to replace my isolating ways of thinking and acting. (Pamphlets like OA Anonymity, The Tools,
Before You Take That First Compulsive Bite, and Abstinence have been extremely
useful.)
12. I remind
myself that my Higher Power is doing for me what I could not do for myself (and
will continue to do of so if I let Her).
There are
many other ways to break isolation.
Please share your "isolation breakers" with me and other OA
members. Your ideas may help a newcomer
(and some seasoned members too!).
Aaron
THOUGHT
If you stop thinking you know what God is all about and
how life should be, you come from a place of ignorance which leaves you open to
limitless possibilities.
Loosely translated from “Care of The Soul,” by Thomas
Moore submitted by Judy D
CORRECTION:
SEND SUBMISSIONS TO THESANCTURUARY1@JUNO.COM OR MSQUIXIE@CS.COM The msquixie is my preference.
Thank-You to all who so generously contributed to
the newsletter this time. Your service
is appreciated.
The opinions expressed herein are the opinions of
those who submitted them and not those of OA as a whole.
Visit Dayton OA on the web @
www.region5oa.org/dayton
Region V Convention Registration information @
www.region5oa.org