The Online Newsletter of the Three Rivers Intergroup
September 2000
When I first came to OA, my program was a food plan and meetings. I also exercised. These were enough to take off pounds, but not to keep them off.
For the next decade, I went deeper, learning to recognize feelings and how to cope with them. When I was angry, I saw that I "ate at" people instead of confronting them. When I was fearful, I ran away into food. No matter what the feeling - lonely, depressed, hurt, self-hating, guilty, deprived, worried - I used food to bury it. Since I was "abstinent" and didn't overeat, I maintained my weight loss.
Gradually, I learned healthy alternatives. When I was envious, I realized that the person I envied was someone to learn from. Loneliness didn't mean I needed other people; it was a sign that I was alienated from myself. Boredom signaled that I was under-stimulated. When I found a challenging book, I felt mentally fed, and my hunger vanished. Slowly, I substituted emotional and mental sustenance for food.
In this decade, my food is spiritual. Because I have surrendered my will, because my heart has been opened by 26 years of sharing with thousands of OAers, I am now fed by:
Because I have emptied myself of self, I can be receptive to spiritual food. I am now a vessel; I am fed from within.
- V.M., Hawthorne, California USA (Lifeline, September 1999)
It may seem a little dramatic but I like to look at my life as "before OA" and "after OA." Find OA and working the program has definitely brought about the most significant changes in my adult life. Even going to my first meeting made a profound difference. Before I cane to OA, I had lost all hope of ever losing my excess weight and learning to cope with life without overeating. After my first meeting I dared to nurture hope that my life could be different.
What has all changed? Comparing my life today with my life 12 years ago, I am tempted to say everything. In reality though most of the changes were small, maybe insignificant by themselves. Altogether though the effect has been profound, like the action of a small rudder on the direction of a large ship.
One of the first changes was the realization that I needed a lifestyle change and not just a diet. I went on diets, lost the weight, went off the diet and gained the weight back. OA is a one day at a time for the rest of my life solution. It is not just a quick fix.
Another change was to give myself permission to let go of things that didn't work for me. Before OA I had a head full of solutions to my problems that "should" work. I interpreted the fact that they didn't work for me to mean that I was doing it wrong or worse yet that I was somehow flawed. My first sponsor taught me that if something didn't work for me I could just let it go and try something that had worked for someone else like me. I didn't have to criticize or condemn the "solution" or myself. Finally I could put my energy in finding what worked for me instead of tearing down other people's ideas or worse yet tearing down myself.
One change that is still being wrought after all this time is learning that I can't do this alone. HP didn't intend me to live my life alone or to overcome my disease alone. My isolation is part of my disease. It was hard at first to accept help from others in OA. But I had to admit that my best efforts had gotten me close to 300 pounds and left me with no real reason to go on living. What choice did I have? Thank HP I accept the help of others in the program. Even today I am learning more and more about sharing my life with others, both my strengths and my weaknesses. Today I have people who really matter in my life and I matter in other people's lives. Thanks HP for the gift of belonging.
-K.G., Goshen, Indiana
As I write this morning while attending a wonderful OA beach retreat, I am full of gratitude and awe at how dramatically and beautifully this program has changed my life in so many ways - physically, emotionally and spiritually.
Physically, I have gone from being a yo-yoing, over-exercising compulsive over- and undereater to one who eats moderate, balanced meals and exercises sanely to enhance physical recovery. I have been blessed with more than four and a half years of back-to-back abstinence, thanks to HP and my fellow OAers.
Emotionally, I have gone from being an isolating, egotistical, easily upset or angered person to someone who can remain rational and serene in any difficult situation - from a pot of something spilled on the kitchen floor to a troublesome encounter with a coworker, to even the most deeply affecting situations involving illness and death.
Spiritually, I have changed from a hopeless, overwhelmed agnostic to a hopeful, happy believer in a Power greater than myself. Nothing is impossible with an HP who is always there for me.
If someone had told me five years ago that my life could change in these ways, I would have sent him or her packing. Now I know and am so grateful that what they say is true: Don't leave before the miracle happens!
- R.S., Frederick, Maryland USA (Lifeline, September 1999)
I've been working the OA program of recovery since 3/9/94. I reached out to OA members from the very beginning. They were always willing to help me and we quickly became good friends. I talked about my fears, problems & joys. I remember being very scared to make that first OA outreach call but since someone else had called me first I felt I could do the same. OA's called me with their fears, problems & joys and as a result we formed a strong, loving support system. This is so very valuable because it empowers me to make positive changes. Reaching out to the OA fellowship helps me to be abstinent, work the steps, it helps me to truly love myself & others. I've lost over 60 lbs. in OA and am a peaceful serene person most of the time. Thanks for being there!
-B.D., Hebron, Indiana
I have many reasons to be grateful for my recovery program. For almost a year, I have been involved in a small, but powerful, OA/HOW group. This loving and dedicated group has helped me feel more at home in my new community. I have gained clarity, insight and comfort by attending meetings regularly. Attending meetings is about making a commitment to myself and to others (both long-timers and newcomers). It says that OA is important to me and that I am committed to healing myself and to sharing my experience, strength and hope. It means I value my health, my healing progress and my life.
In OA I have gained strength, lost weight, developed friendships and found workable solutions. Before OA I searched everywhere for answers without knowing what my questions were. With OA, and the support of an understanding, patient, loving and wise sponsor (and her HP!), I have learned a lot about life. I have matured in this program.
I enjoy using all the OA tools (reading the literature, attending meetings, using the phone, following the Steps, writing in my OA workbook, being a speaker and doing service). The tools have helped me apply the Steps in my life. For that I am grateful because I am healthier now. I gain comfort from the program rather than from food. I am motivated to eat more healthfully. I chew my food more slowly and enjoy it more. I have released my sugar dependence. I am losing excess fat. My digestion is improving, and I have more energy for exercising. I feel optimistic about achieving and maintaining my goal weight.
OA has helped me get back in touch with God/HP, and I don't have to go to a church to do it. I can pray and communicate with God on my own terms at any time. I am grateful that OA gives me the freedom to believe or not to believe, because I tend to rebel against too much structure.
I appreciate having the freedom to choose my own food plan, which I can create with the help of my doctors. I am not forced to listen to sales pitches for unhealthy food (as I have had to do in diet clubs). I have studied nutrition, so I know what is healthy and what is not. I only need support and a program with freedom of choice.
I am grateful that OA is not filled with dogma and does not pressure me into a program that doesn't fit my values or beliefs. I am grateful that my life is running more smoothly because I have this simple, powerful and workable program. I appreciate the support of the OA Fellowship and the guidance of my HP. OA works for me because I have dedicated myself to working it. It isn't always easy, but I am progressing. I do not have to be perfect, which is a relief. I am grateful to the founders of AA and OA and to all Twelve-Step members who "keep coming back," so we can continue to enrich and empower our lives.
- P.J., Pacifica, California USA (Lifeline, September 1999)
I remember as a teenager sometimes fantasizing that I was an alien space baby that had been left on this strange planet for some reason. I didn't really believe it but I thought it would sure explain some things in my life. I never really felt like I belonged here. My compulsive overeating just made the feeling worse. I had tried once or twice to tell a friend about my problems with food. They looked at me as if I had suddenly grown tentacles and antennae. They could not understand and were a little frightened. I knew we would both pretend the conversation had never happened. It just pointed out to me again how "alien" I was.
I got over being a teenager but my compulsive overeating kept my feeling like a space alien through my twenties. When helpful people saw my weight and eating problem they would share useful ideas like "just put the fork down" or "just skip dessert some days". To me it felt like they were talking some alien language. Oh I understood the words but given my experience they didn't make any sense, they didn't offer any real hope. It was like they were telling me to solve my problem by levitating or making myself invisible. They were nice ideas but nothing I was capable of doing.
Then I went to my first OA meeting. Right away I knew this was different! People were actually talking about the crazy things they did with food! These were the same things I did! They had a name for it, compulsive overeating. I learned that there were other people out there that had the same experiences with food that I did. I learned that there were some steps we could take that would help us. I heard how OA had worked in their lives. For the first time in a long time I felt that I was home! These people were my people. They understood me and I understood them.
Now I'm out there trying to contact other lost alien space babies. I am so grateful to those who "found" me that I just have to pass on the word to others like me. It is hard sometimes. Many of them don't realize what they really are and that there are people out there who can help. I keep going because it helps me remember who I really am. I keep going because this is my real family! Thanks OA! The mothership has landed. Come on board!
-K.G., Goshen, Indiana