The Online Newsletter of the Three Rivers Intergroup
November 2000
Do you know what about this program really angers the addict in me? It is that simple little word "daily"! I want to be able to do something about this disease today and have it done and over with for the rest of my life. Is that too much to ask? I go to the doctor to get a measles vaccination that is supposed to last the rest of my life. I go to the dentist with a dying tooth and he does a root canal that is supposed to last. Why do I have to work this program, particularly steps 10 and 11 every day for the rest of my life? Surely someone can find a high tech solution for this disease that will last with only a single treatment? Surely there is some other way to work this program than every day? It seems so inefficient! I mean I am willing to do whatever it takes to recover, whatever massive force of willpower is required, but please don't ask me to piddle around with it every day for the rest of my life! I've got better things to do with my life!
Do you know what I really love about this program? It is that simple little word "daily"! For Today has the quote, "Little strokes fell giant oaks." Before OA I scoffed at that idea. Why bother with all the little strokes when you can just do it all at once and get it over with? But then I started working the OA program. Slowly, problems that I had been fighting unsuccessfully for years began to fall one by one. How could this be?! I didn't understand it but there in front of my eyes was proof that daily "little strokes" were removing giant problems that my best and most massive efforts had failed to budge. Then another slogan came along and I decided to resign from the debating society and count my blessings.
Today I am continually amazed. Wonderful changes have happened in my life that I could not have even dreamed of when I first came to OA. What I really love though is that so many changes happened without my even knowing it. I would just realize that a particular problem was no longer with me. Other times I would get on the scale and have lost several pounds that month. I wondered how it happened because I didn't remember trying to lose weight or the feelings of deprivation that diets always brought me. I just kept doing those little things, daily working my program, and the miracles kept happening. What else could I call it but a miracle?
I don't know how many others of you suffer from black and white / all or nothing thinking. The addict in me wants to do steps 4-9 and then sit back and relax, knowing that is done for the rest of my life. The addict in me wants to take a week off to "get in touch with God" and then enjoy the peace and serenity till I die. But these solutions worked as well as most of my other solutions. They didn't work at all, at least not in the long term.
Today I am starting to accept that I can't do it all at once and have it done with. Why? Because it simply doesn't work. Today, that is reason enough. It isn't really that hard a concept to grasp. I don't expect to plant an apple tree, cultivate it and harvest apples in one week or with one massive expenditure of effort. It simply doesn't work that way. I guess the same is true for my life and my recovery.
-K.G., Goshen, Indiana
Steps Ten, Eleven and Twelve are often called the daily living Steps, because here we practice daily what we have been doing in the first nine Steps.
The continuing inventory is important so that we do not sink back into our old, addictive thinking. Admitting wrongs helps to clean up the messes we make when they're still easy to clean up.
There are several different kinds of Tenth Steps, ranging from a quick, spot check (What is going on here?) to an inventory as searching as a Fourth Step.
What I do at the end of the day is to imagine that I am in a comfortable armchair talking with my HP. Together we watch a fast-forward replay of the day on the VCR. Then I ask myself, "Where am I physically, emotionally and spiritually? Physically, was my food as clean as I would like, or was I playing games with my food plan, such as selecting the biggest apple ever seen and calling it one apple? Did I get enough rest and exercise? Emotionally, what did I feel? Was I angry, upset or otherwise disturbed? Is there anything for which I owe amends?"
Spiritually, I ask, "Did I do my prayer and meditation and continue to reach out toward God?" Since my OA program is an important part of my spiritual development, I also review how I am working the tools of the OA program.
"Where am I with respect to abstinence (a plan of eating), OA meetings, phone calls, service, sponsorship, literature, writing and anonymity? Do I need to practice any of these tools?" I have noticed that most of the people who are struggling with their OA program are not working one or more of these eight tools, so I find it useful to review the list. Of course, being human, I sometimes fall asleep before I finish.
- J., reprinted from New Horizons newsletter, January/February 1998
The Tenth Step is the first of what some people call the "maintenance Steps." I see the first three Steps as the foundation of the recovery program - getting me to a point where I am not following a plan of eating as a diet anymore (which it was for me until I took the first three Steps in a really disciplined manner). By then I was abstaining from compulsive overeating. To safeguard my abstinence, I needed to deal with the issues that I created while in my disease. That is why I needed to do the Fourth through Ninth Steps, to rid myself of the behaviors that often brought me the pain that led to a return to compulsive overeating.
Today, the Tenth Step keeps me on the straight and narrow. Doing the first three Steps daily and working the other Steps where needed, and knowing that when I do wrong I must promptly admit my error, give me the necessary time to keep my mouth closed. This is true of talking as well as eating. Sometimes it is difficult to delineate between my part and someone else's part, but I know today that I need to keep my side of the street clean. That's what's going to keep me abstinent - not fixing you.
For me, working the Steps on a daily basis keeps the focus on what is important for my recovery, my actions. I can't recover without other compulsive overeaters doing the same thing, but Step Ten reminds me that I need to keep a keen eye on my actions. To do my Tenth Step, I must work not only the first nine Steps, but I must also use the things I learn by doing the next two Steps.
Thank you for the opportunity to share and serve. It is always a learning experience, and it has given me much more than I ever thought possible.
- K.S., reprinted from New Horizons newsletter, January/February 1998
One of the best suggestions my sponsor gave to me was to write a daily activity plan, similar to my food plan. Until her suggestion, I had a mile-long to-do list that I never accomplished. My unfinished list left me in a constant state of anxiety. I didn't realize that my sponsor's suggestion was actually part of Step Eleven.
Every evening I look at my to-do list and make a reasonable activity plan for the next day. First I list the obvious things, such as preparing meals and getting my children and myself ready for the day. Once I do this, I see that I can't do 100 other things. I ask God for guidance in choosing the right activities for me, such as quality time for my family and myself and things that really must be done that day. In return, God gives me an acceptance of my limitations and an appreciation for what is important in my life.
After God and I make the plan, and again the next morning, I ask God to help me accept any curves He may throw at me. When I practice this part of Step Eleven, I am blessed with acceptance, balance and serenity.
- K.K., Mt. Repose, Ohio USA (Lifeline, November 1998)
I live in Southern California where rush-hour traffic can be miserable. I do an Eleventh-Step prayer and meditation during this time. I talk and listen to God. Once, while driving, this thought occurred to me: OA recovery is like driving down the freeway. I had been driving a long time trying to get to the beach, but I had no directions. With my compulsive-overeater mind, I thought that if I took the wrong freeway, I'll get to the beach faster.
My disease is similar to the wrong freeway. I want to get to the beach; I want a spiritual awakening. But the freeway of disease isn't going to get me there.
Recovery, like driving in rush hour, is slow for me. First, I had to realize I was on the wrong highway (powerlessness). Second, I had to put my foot on the brake (my first OA meeting). Slowing down takes awhile. I can't stop in an instant and turn on a dime. I have to slow down, change lanes, get off at the nearest exit, figure out where I am and ask for directions. Then I can accelerate in the right direction.
My recovery is this arduous direction change. I weighed 360 pounds when I came into OA. I have lost 80 pounds in three years. Incredibly, I haven't gained any back. Because my car went so fast down disease freeway, it has taken me awhile to slow down and turn around. I heard at my 100-pounder meeting, "The miracle isn't that I'm a size eight now; the miracle is that I'm not 500 pounds today." When I am discouraged because I'm not losing weight fast enough, I have to remember that sometimes not gaining weight is the miracle. It takes time, work and guidance to travel down a disease-free highway. I'm getting there one mile marker at a time. My map is the "Big Book" and the Twelve Steps. I picked up my Higher Power at the OA gas station when I took the exit to change directions. My Higher Power has the suntan lotion and the surfboard.
- Anonymous, Los Angeles, California USA (Lifeline, November 1998)
I hate housecleaning! My idea of the good life is having a full-time housekeeper. How could two weeks have passed since cleaning?
After dawdling over breakfast and the morning paper, I went into the living room and looked around. The bay window looked smudgy, so I washed it. Several windows and mirrors later, I imagined how I could compare house cleaning with my recovery in OA.
First, I had to admit that my house could not clean itself. It needed a "higher power" - me. And I needed tools to do the job.
No wonder my Higher Power led me to clean the windows and mirrors first. It is necessary to have light and a clear eye to do the job right. Of course, the mirrors reflect who is truly doing the work.
Next I grabbed my dust mop and went after the cobwebs and dust kitties as though they were my old ideas and fuzzy thinking, and I got rid of them fast. Shaking the mop was like giving it away and being willing to give it all to the wind. After vacuuming the rugs, I threw the bag in the trash, humbly trusting that the city would remove all those defects.
Lovingly caressing all my knickknacks, books and pictures with the dust cloth reminded me of the many friends and relatives that they represent. I made amends by being grateful for so many happy and diverse memories.
When I finished, I took a refreshing shower to get rid of any dust left clinging to me, similar to taking a spot-check inventory to see if any defects still clung to me.
I made my work more interesting by meditating on the pleasure that all my furniture, lamps and rugs gave to me and by realizing how thankful I am to the Higher Power that made them possible.
As for Step Twelve, a clean house always lifts my spirits, and I decided to carry the OA message by writing this article. If this does not qualify as practicing the principles in all my affairs, it certainly made a hateful job much more pleasant. Maybe I ought to try it when I do the bathrooms!
-P.M., Charlotte, North Carolina USA (Lifeline, December 1998)
Early in recovery I eagerly sought out all of the literature on compulsive overeating I could find. Nowadays I like to keep it simple and have streamlined my program reading to Conference-approved items only. Still, I couldn't help the twinge of excitement I felt when I caught a glimpse of a sign from my bus: "Foremost in Recovery," it said.
When the bus got closer, however, I realized it was an upholstery business!
-Anonymous (Lifeline, September 1994)
I came upon my five-year-old son sitting at my desk working very intensely at making an assortment of letters," an OA member from California writes to us. "When I asked what he was doing he replied, 'I'm writing an important message for the people at your OK meeting.'"
-Anonymous (Lifeline, November 1990)
Late as usual, I dashed into the meeting room and breathlessly took my seat. Not a familiar face in sight! It always amazed me how many new faces showed up at the Friday night meeting. I felt it was because it was such a strong meeting, but this time I recognized nobody!
"Okay, everybody!" said the lady at the front of the room, "let's start with a little stretching!"
Stretching! As everybody started to stretch, it dawned on me I was in the wrong room -- this was an aerobics class!
-Anonymous (Lifeline, August 1994)
Janet was at the mall one day. As she was going through the checkout aisle at one store she was barraged by all the candy bars on display. She was not at a good place spiritually and added her favorite, a king-size Snickers bar to her purchase. As she left the store she realized that she couldn't go home and eat it. Then her family would know she had broken her abstinence. She decided to sit down on one of the benches in the mall and eat it there. She found a bench with only one other man sitting on it. She settled down and started going through her packages.
Suddenly she glanced up and saw the man pick up the king size Snickers bar, open it, take a bite and set it back on the bench. She couldn't believe the nerve he had! She grabbed the candy bar, took a bite and slammed it down on the bench. The man looked at her strangely, smiled, picked up the candy bar, took another bite and set it down. This went on, each taking alternating bites until the candy bar was finished. Then the man made a humorous comment and left.
Janet got up in a huff, grabbed her packages and went out to her car. She was furious about the incident, playing it over and over in her mind. When she got to the car she opened her purse to get her keys and there to her surprise was her king size Snickers bar!
-K.G., Goshen, Indiana