May 2001
Today my thoughts are on mood. My mood is low energy and lacking in motivation. I hate days of low energy. I’ve medicated this feeling many times with excess food in an attempt to “fix it” and regain my energy. On other days I may feel nearly manic or hyper with lots of energy. My truth is I prefer feeling manic to feeling low energy. It’s very difficult for me to accept these feelings. I seem to believe I should have energy to spare every single day of my life. That is not balance and moderation. God (HP) intended us to have periods of rest – so why is it so tough for me to accept that I can’t feel on top every minute of every day?!
Today I was keenly aware of the food – aware of certain sweets that were easily accessible at my work place. All I’d have to do is pick it up. Thank God for OA. OA has taught me to strive for balance in my life, to not place expectations on myself too high – to allow myself time for rest – to not place too many things on my “to do” list -- to maintain abstinence as my #1 priority. Abstinence is my only hope of maintaining balance and moderation with the food. For today I choose to sit through this low energy mood. For in OA I’ve learned, “This too, shall pass.” For today I choose life – I decline the choice of excess food and a life of obsession and insatiable craving. Thank you, God. Thank you, OA.
-M.H., Goshen, Indiana
I personally have had a rough road with the balance portion of this equation. I now realize that I need to rely on God for the balance that is going to be the way of the future for me.
Having spent a month in an eating disorders clinic has taught me a lot about moderation that I had not paid attention to earlier. Know that I can still have something I want but using the art of compromise to find a healthier solution. It has also given me the gift of motivation. To know that eating healthier and going walking will help me accomplish something that I wanted for years.
Now I have some very good tools to work the meal plan and the motivation to get up and walk to help me lose the weight. Not to worry about what the scale says but to concentrate on my inner being, so that I am healing from within. The serenity prayer and using the power of prayer to talk to God has helped me start to balance my life so that I can start to live a better way and maybe one day hope to achieve that ability to help someone else through the struggles I have had.
-L.F., Middebury, Indiana
Boy! What a perfect topic for me today -- as I rush into the meeting 15 minutes late after staying over time at work for 2 hours!!
I just emailed my sponsor yesterday about how busy of a time this is at work and how I was determined to put as much or more recovery program in. I have learned the hard way that even though busy times are just that, busy – that if I say I don’t have time for program I can get into real relapse trouble.
I think the first thing I let go is prayer and meditation. This must be because work feels like it needs to come first in my thoughts. So much to get done, right? Then my ego takes over, easing God out of the picture further. Then it’s not a too big jump to thinking I need a little extra food in between meals to keep my energy up -- after all I’m so busy.
But the reality of the scenario is this. There is a difference between what is urgent and what is important. Many of the things I think I MUST get done WILL get done anyway if I just take time for prayer first. That is important.
I have learned to delegate. This hasn’t always been comfortable fore me, since I like to be in control of the situation. I’ve learned to let go if something isn’t done “exactly” like I would have done it. I have learned to accept help that has been graciously offer and just say, “Thank you.” These things help me stay balanced during a really frenetic time at work. As for moderation, this is also not a time to start a new exercise regimen, a new, “perfect” food plan, or any other big changes in my life. Being moderate in my life is a welcome relief to the contrast of living with or creating constant crisis. Setting boundaries has also help me stay moderate. I no longer take on other people’s responsibilities. This is very freeing. Yes, I’m busy – but I can live happily and joyously through this time with the help of the 12 steps.
-D.P., Goshen, Indiana
Balance and moderation? Oh, I used to hate those words! To me they were synonymous with deprivation. People used those words when they thought I had had enough and should stop, that I should be content. They meant I should stop before I was satisfied!
Nothing was farther from the truth as I saw it. I believed if something was good I wanted as much as possible. If something was bad or painful or difficult, I wanted none of it. If something caused problems in my lie I wanted it gone, right now! If something was pleasant or helpful I wanted it right now!
There was only one problem. My life didn’t work. I was slowly eating myself to death. My life wasn’t getting more and more pleasant, rather it was getting more miserable. Where was the flaw in my life philosophy, in my logic?
Then I started going to OA meetings. Soon I ran into one of those words. My sponsor suggested I start my eating plan by with three moderate meals a day and nothing in between. I wasn’t sure what moderate meant but I figured the food couldn’t be falling off the edges of the plate and that seconds, thirds, fourths and fifths were probably not included. Well, I tried that and it actually started working for me.
As I continued to work on my eating plan with my sponsor, he helped me see it couldn’t be like those old diets that I could only stay on for a limited time. I also saw that it couldn’t be anything I wanted whenever I wanted it or I would be kidding myself. What I needed was something balanced, something that I could live with today and the rest of my life.
Abstinence is about the rest of my life. Abstinence is like running a marathon. I need to set a pace I can continue, something balanced and moderate. Those diets I had been on were like running sprints. I always burned out and went back to compulsive overeating. Today, using the balance and moderation of abstinence I am in recovery for the long haul.
-K.G., Goshen, Indiana