OVEREATERS ANONYMOUS THREE RIVERS
INTERGROUP MINUTES
September 30, 2002
The meeting was opened with
the Serenity Prayer. Mimi kindly took
notes for the Secretary who was temporarily absent.
OFFICERS PRESENT
Chairperson: Kevin G.
Vice Chair: Dee
Secretary: Suzette R.
Region Reps: Kevin G., & Gene L. (Alternate)
GROUPS REPRESENTED
Monday:
Fort Wayne Park
Center 7:30 p.m.
Monday: Elkhart First
Presbyterean Church 6:00 p.m.
Tuesday: Goshen Oaklawn Hospital 5:00 p.m.
Tuesday: Garrett St. Joseph Parish Center 7:00 p.m.
Thursday: New Haven New
Horizons Fellowship Church 10:00 a.m.
Saturday: Goshen Trinity Lutheran Church 10:00 a.m.
Saturday: Goshen Trinity Lutheran Church 11:15 a.m.
MINUTES
Loretta graciously read the
Minutes from our previous meeting. A motion was made by Mimi, and seconded by
Marilyn, that the Minutes be accepted. This motion was passed.
TREASURER'S REPORT
There was no Treasurer’s
Report as the Treasurer was not present.
COMMITTEE REPORTS
TELEPHONE
Dee 4, Kevin 1, Mimi 1
NEWSLETTER
Marcia is hoping for more
response for exchange of
newsletters. Marcia will
send a cover letter along with the next issues of our newsletter, and ask for
other newsletters in exchange. (Note
from Mimi : Don’t give Loretta newsletters during the
IG meeting, as she gets distracted reading instead of listening! Ha-Ha).
PUBLICITY
Donna was not present. Please keep her in your thoughts and prayers.
LITERATURE
We still need to sell old
inventory .It was suggested that we well old material for half price (the Big
Books). All were sold within a matter of
minutes.
OLD BUSINESS
- Kevin discussed changes in the OA Policies and
Practices at World Service level. What needs are not being met? “One clearing house for meeting
information”.
- Profits from the Workshop appear to be $254.75.
This was not shown in the November Monarch Monthly as Loretta just
presented the monies at this meeting. She was out of town immediately
after the Workshop. Dee motion, and Suzette seconded that we
accept this. The motion was passed.
- The Region V OA Convention was very good.
Everyone who was able to attend really enjoyed it. Next year’s Region V OA
workshop will be held in Illinois on October 10-12, 2003.
- Kevin has Spring Retreat flyers.
- Gene L congratulated Kevin on his talk at the
convention.
- Bylaws:
Some progress is still being made, but they are not complete.
NEW BUSINESS
·
Look through the
Service Structure Questionnaire. This is to be discussed at the next meeting.
This is now on our web site.
·
No discussion on
a prudent reserve for intergroup. Our Treasurer was not present.
·
Kevin will check
on an 800 number in Cleveland for Region V and how it works to see if we may use
this somehow.
·
The meeting was
closed with the Serenity Prayer.
Respectfully submitted,
Mimi
Acting Secretary
Ensuring
an Abstinent Holiday
- Focus
on the true meaning of the holiday or event rather than the food orgy that
sometimes accompanies it.
- Don’t
set yourself up to feel bad because of unrealistic expectations of what
the holiday will bring. Some-times we’re with family, sometimes with
friends, sometimes we are alone. Face the reality of the situation be-forehand.
For example, if a family occasion almost always turns un-pleasant, plan
not to be a part of the unpleasantness. If you’re going to be alone, face
that you may face sadness. Plan to deal with it, without excess food.
- Build
up your recovery bank account before and during the holidays by attending
lots of meetings, working extra hard on your Twelve Steps and using all
the tools, especially service. Keep in contact with your sponsor. The
disease doesn’t take holidays, nor should our recovery.
- Keep
your OA phone numbers with you at all times. Use them.
- Know
the limits of your recovery. When in doubt, avoid persons, places and
things that have in the past triggered overeating. The party is not worth
it. Choose not to attend if you feel it may be a major problem. Remember
that abstinence, one day at a time, has to be the highest priority in your
life. Without it all other things suffer.
- From
the perspective of food, treat the holiday like any other day. Our disease
never takes a holiday.
- Plan
something special for yourself when other people are eating sugary
desserts that you choose not to include in your food plan. Special teas,
hot water and lemon, fruit, anything that’s a little special treat for
you.
- Whether
a holiday gathering or ordinary party, choose to focus on the people
rather than the food. Pick out people and engage them in “real” conversation.
If they don’t want to play, go to the next one. People like to talk about
themselves. Ask them about themselves, their life, their work, and really
listen.
- Try
to connect with people at the holiday table. Make food a secondary thing.
- Set an extra place beside you at the
table (in your mind or for real for your Higher Power.
- Remember Step Two. It says that with the
help of a Higher Power, we can be restored to sane eating behavior. Call
on your Higher Power. HP can keep you sane, one day at time, one meal at a
time.
- During
the holidays, get out of yourself by giving service, any service, whether
it’s to program, to needy individuals or to the community. Do something
that may be a little hard for you, but that you know you will feel good
about later. Give yourself something to respect yourself for.
- Plan!
Plan! Plan! Be proactive toward the holidays and the meals. Don’t just lay
back and hope for the best. Rehearse in your mind over and over exactly
what you will do, particularly what, where and when you will eat. Pray
just before sitting down to the meal
- Just before sitting down to eat, or just
before being served, go to a private room somewhere in the house or
restaurant, call your sponsor and commit what you are about to eat, as
well as what you will choose to eat. It makes no difference whether you
get your sponsor or an answering machine. It’s your commitment.
- If
you’re visiting others for a holiday dinner, it’s up to you to know what
is being served and whether it is something that you choose to eat. Call
the host. Plan accordingly. People understand others’ food limitations.
Even people without our disease have foods they don’t eat for one reason
or another. Volunteer to bring something that’s good for you. The host
thinks you’re gracious, and you’re taking care of yourself.
- Remember
that you are responsible for what you eat. It’s easy when sitting with
family to slip into old, childish roles where you feel you must eat
whatever you are given. It’s not true. We are adults and responsible for
our own choices. It’s up to us to take care of ourselves. It’s up to us to
set whatever boundaries we need to set with our families.
- Gratitude,
gratitude, gratitude. There is nothing as good for staying abstinent,
particularly during the holiday season, as focusing on the many things we
have, rather than what we don’t have. Do gratitude lists frequently.
- How
about writing a little card/note to each person who will be at the holiday
dinner table telling them why you’re grateful to know them? Leave it at
their dinner place. The focus will quickly get to the real meaning of the
holiday rather than on the food.
- For
many of us, the most dangerous period for our abstinence is after we have
successfully gone through a difficult occasion. The insanity of our
disease subconsciously tells us to reward ourselves with food because we
did so well yesterday. Or, we suffer some kind of letdown about the
occasion. It didn’t meet our expectations. Some of us feel an emptiness after holidays that in the past we have
tried to fill with food. For these reasons, plan to go to meetings the
next day after the holiday.
- A
holiday is not a crisis. Holidays come every year. They are simply
calendar times set aside to honor certain things. We deal with the
holidays just like we deal with the rest of the days in the year. You can
do it. Relax and work your program the way you know how.
Adapted from The Butterfly – Extra Edition Fall 2002
Thoughts on Step
One
How has my life become
unmanageable?
An
unmanageable life - would that be:
the
embarrassment on not being to fit into restaurant booths,
unable to
fit into chairs in offices and homes,
unable to
fit into cars,
unable to
buy clothes in normal stores,
unable to
fit into airplane seats - or connect the seat belt if I can fit,
eating
food and my attire shows the stains of missed food,
embarrassing my wife when I am in public?
But the
real unmanaged portion of my life is the hiding, stuffing my feelings, pent up
anger, and the huge void between me and my God. The driving to work and
suddenly crying so hard I almost run off the road. Preferring
food to a closer relationship with God - to my family - to my friends.
Oh, to turn
food over to God and not take it back. I think that qualifies for
unmanageable.
What
does it mean to me to "surrender"?
After stumbling to
answer this question, it finally dawned on me that surrender was giving over
control, conceding, giving in. An easy concept to
define, but not easy for me to do with food. Especially hard is
doing the surrendering to God.
With God,
there can be no surrender accompanied with the classic "wink - wink"
or crossed fingers. God knows your heart. If you do not mean your
prayer - God knows and does not participate in the facade.
So while I
know I should surrender, and I can express the thought, it really comes down to
doing what I know to do, but limited by what I would do. Would I keep my
promise?
Does it
count if I do the right thing but do it for the wrong reason? It is easy
to know that if my weight has gotten to the point that if I need a loading dock
scale to provide a reading, that I am in bad need of
help. My problem is that I know what needs to be done, I just can't do
it. I have not done what needs to be done for 30-40 years and during
that time often knew that something had to be done. I could no longer
live with the explanation that I was just "big boned". However,
knowing that I need to do something and making the commitment to do it was
beyond me. Knowing and doing are two different things. And asking
God to resolve some problem that I truly did not want solved is not going to
work. Working with God means that you must do the right thing for the
right reason. No other way.
My
surrender today is best placed in the confines of who I am today, and not who I
have been in the past. OA gives me a new frame a reference in many
respects such as:
- I am not alone in this effort now - I have a sponsor and a support group
within the reach of a call or a meeting
- I have the steps that prepare me for a successful experience
- I have tools to help me
- I am different today than I have been in the rest of my life
Surrender
becomes giving over control and actually believing that it can happen, because
of who I have become and not who I have been. It is valid for others to
have doubts - like my boss, my wife, those outside of OA. But within the
reach of those who fight this battle with me in OA, it is legitimate to feel
confident that this time it is different. It can be that I do the right
thing - and do it for the right reason.
And with
that I pass.
-
Mike
Let everyone sweep
in front of his own door, and the whole world will be clean.
- Johann
Wolfgang von Goethe
