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When I got ready to do my step 8 list, of those to whom I needed to make amends, my sponsor said I should put myself on my amends list.  I had done previous 8^th steps, so I knew this was an important step to making amends with others.  I need to forgive myself and others before I am able to make amends.  This ensures that, through forgiveness, resentments don’t rise up and cause the amends to be ineffective.

When I got to me, I realized I had not forgiven myself for several things I did as a child, as well as some I had done in my marriage and as a parent.  What should I do?  I did not WANT to forgive myself.  Why not? When it came down to it, I didn’t feel I deserved to be forgiven. If I didn’t forgive myself I could keep punishing myself, in theory, until I felt I deserved a pardon.  Not forgiving myself kept me from pursuing deeper relationships with my HP, whom I call God, and with people.

So, if I couldn’t forgive myself, and was “stuck” in Step 8 until I did so, what could I do in the meantime, while I waited to forgive myself?  I decided to ask others how they forgave themselves, if they needed to. I asked my sponsor, a couple of “mentors” I appreciate in program, and one night I was chairing a meeting and chose the topic, which of course, had to be self-forgiveness!  I also wrote about it, prayed about it, and even made an appointment with my pastor to talk about it!  And all the while, while I waited to forgive myself, I did my program.  I went to meetings, met with my sponsor, sponsored, made phone calls and texted fellows. I also did a 4^th step to work on “searching moral inventory” of why I wasn’t forgiving myself.  This is a character defect to not forgive myself, and working through a detailed inventory helped me find the root of my problem.  I was then prepared to do a proper 9^th step on myself.   I wrote, prayed, and waited.  One thing both my sponsor and my pastor suggested was to “act as if.”

My pastor said I would always remember those things I did wrong, but I could choose to “act as if” I had forgiven myself until my feelings caught up, after I said the words, “I forgive you” to myself.  So, I plunged into forgiveness.  I said the words, “I forgive you,” and declared to myself that if the thought that I am not forgiven for those actions and words come up, I would remind myself that I am forgiven, because I chose to do it. Faith, fact, feeling, in that order, is what I learned somewhere.  It works for me.  I am forgiven.  I don’t have to bash myself anymore. I don’t even have to “feel” forgiven.  My side of the street is clean towards me, and I can now “move quickly forward” to the amends step, step 9!

I have recently been introduced to the practice of 2-way prayer. For those who are unfamiliar, this is a practice in which one writes out a question to Higher Power, meditates for a short time, like 5 minutes, and then writes whatever comes through. These are usually messages from our Higher Power, coming through us onto the paper.

During my first try at 2-way prayer session I was having issues of food insecurity. I was wanting to eat because I was unsure what food would be available at upcoming events. Or my husband and I were not agreeing on what to have for dinner the next day or whether to even eat in or go out. Or any number of things that are a part of Life that were making me feel insecure about my food. So I asked the question, ” What should I know about my issues with food insecurity?” The answer…

“Surrender is being comfortable not knowing;
Surrender is acceptance of that which is, without knowing the how or the why;
Surrender defies analysis;
Surrender means turning it all over and not worrying how you got here or where you’re headed – just trust that it will be resolved.

I’m here to help, but you need to want it enough to let go. You have to stop holding onto the fear as if it is somehow helpful.
You have to be brave enough to let go of fear and live your life.

Live your life. Stop waiting for others.
Take responsibility for your own happiness and just do it. Do the things.
Others will follow.

Feel free to lead.
You have control of what is available to you. There is plenty… You are surrounded by abundance. Just let the fear go.
Set it down and walk away. It no longer serves you and you no longer need it.”

What a gift! My Higher Power gave me a beautiful definition of what it means to Surrender. Spirit made clear that clinging to fear was not helpful to me – I need to let it go.

I have received many more gifts from HP in my 2-way prayer practice. It’s a practice that I highly recommend. For those who would like to learn more about this technique you can Google 2-way prayer or check the OA website for Zoom meetings that use 2-way prayer as the format. I find these meetings very helpful because often I will hear a message from my HP through what somebody else’s HP has told them.

– Melanie B

My case against french fries: potatoes, of themselves, are a fine food. However, if they are deep fried, eating them can affect my health, my weight, lay the groundwork for future conditions that could really jeopardize my health. As a matter of fact, eating anything that is deep-fried is not good for me, not just eating french fries. It is like french fries are a wolf in sheep‘s clothing; they look so attractive and harmless. I can tell myself, “I can share an order “but really, it’s an excuse to eat them. There they are – gilded with crunch and salt, piping hot. And really what they are is a steppingstone to diabetes and high blood pressure.

It is also easy to dismiss them as harmless – if I only eat them at a restaurant. The fact that they are considered “treats “is a red flag that in fact they are not. I am saying no to french fries and will mourn them and get on with my life.

– Pat H.

I recently attended an OA workshop in my area, and the format had a writing exercise on the Step 9 promises from the AA Big Book on pages 83-84.  The workshop leader asked an attendee to read these promises aloud to the group, then asked everyone in the room to really listen to the words of the reading. After the reading, he invited us to write on the words or phrases that spoke to us about the promises.

What jumped out to me in the reading were 2 sections – “We will intuitively know how to handle situations that used to baffle us.” The second is “God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.”

These are coming through in my life, especially more so lately. I seem to be able to discern what to do and say in certain situations that arise in my life with family members or friends. I do not try to jump in and “fix” so quickly like I used to. That is where the second quote comes in. I remember to “Let go and let God,” knowing that my HP (God) will help me deal with whatever I need help with. These are some of the many messages that our OA 12-Step program has taught me. I get everything I need to live a good life without falling into the compulsion of using food to cope with “situations that used to baffle” me. This is why I am still in OA after almost 50 years. I will always have “situations that used to baffle” me, as long as I am on this earth. I am never finished growing and learning.  And I am grateful that I was given this wonderful, life-giving program to follow.

Thank you God, and thank you OA!

– Evelyn S.

“When all is said and done, all we can do is surrender to God and accept the situation. Any other route will keep us in bondage. God wants me to experience freedom, so I surrender.”

– Anonymous

When I came into program originally, I resided in the Northeast Portion of Pennsylvania, in a small town that had only one OA meeting. The closest meeting outside of my little town was 25 miles away! There was no internet then, no texting, and of course no Zoom meetings. The result was if I wanted to get to more meetings, I had to be willing to go to any length, which meant inconveniencing myself and traveling to get to a meeting. Since the advent of Zoom meetings, it seems that recovery has become convenient; I believe that recovery will always happen at your inconvenience! The Big Book describes the essentials of recovery as Honesty, Openmindeness, and Willingness. I often ask myself what am I willing to do to get recovery? Am I willing to go to meetings? Am I willing to work the steps? Am I willing to do service? Going to any length means being willing to do my part to make sure OA remains in place for the suffering compulsive overeater that will need this program as I have. I am forever grateful for the pioneers that began this fellowship. OA could have remained in California had the founders not been willing to do the work it took to make this program available worldwide. Ask yourself, what lengths are you willing to go to get recover?

Make amends if you found any….how about yourself???

Principal of step 9 is LOVE. I suggest this month to look at 1. Have I always loved myself 2. When did I discover that I do and 3. What do I do today to show that I do love myself. Some are doing this. Should I have heard the groans on this first question? I believe that we come to a Twelve Step Program not liking ourselves very much. Just listen to people’s leads.

Think we’ll concentrate on forgiveness and love in this letter. If we haven’t forgiven ourselves something, how can we forgive others. I think forgiveness has to start with self. This does not mean that we condone or support everything we have done. It means that we own it. We accept that we were in the wrong, and then we move on. However sometimes when we recognize we are in the wrong, we slip into our self-centerness, so absorbed and arrogant that often we never reach the stage of forgiveness. Oh there we go again the SELF….self….self….self. Spent too many years on the self prior to OA, not willing to go back there again, too painful. So when we recognize we are in the wrong…it’s time to forgive and move on. If we can’t do that for ourselves how can we ever forgive others? We all need to give and receive forgiveness. I think this is part of being a human being. In our disease we have all done harm to those closest to us. We hurt those we loved the most. I guess it is part of this brutal disease. So to forgive brings relief and care. Forgive ourselves for our actions and forgive others who did not act kindly toward us. When forgiving ourselves and others, be simple, direct, no fanfare. As Dr. Bob would say KEEP IT SIMPLE.

If I still have amends to make to myself or others, I just don’t want to carry all this baggage around anymore. It is just too heavy. Such lightness and freedom in forgiving. And with that lightness and freedom, it is so much easier to love ourselves and others. Sometimes a smile, or a prayer or just listening. I know I need others. We at least most of us live in isolation while in our disease and that was a painful way to live. We don’t need to live that way anymore. I can express my love today and assure my loved ones and my program friends that they are needed. What a wonderful, healthy life. Love is not controlling. Love is placing another’s personal needs above our own, without regret. Love is selfless. Wanting love is a normal human desire, not one we should deny. And we shall receive love, the less our emphasis is on getting it, and more on giving it.

Being loved and knowing that we are loved, assures us of our connection to the world outside of ourselves. At times we do feel unloved. The wonders of love are many. Love is a healing balm for our wounds.

And it nurtures, both the one loving, and the one loved. Love is an energizer. If we aren’t feeling loved, we can love someone else, and probably love will visit us, too.

So today take a look around and give some love to a friend who needs it.

– Anonymous

I have been told that prayer and meditation will help my recovery.  I believe that.  I pray often, throughout the day, but struggle with meditation.  But why?

With this mind racing here and there, thinking about each thing that comes along, how can I get my mind to stand still long enough to meditate? This is what I do: I set a timer for 10 minutes.  (I don’t always make it to 10 minutes but it’s a goal worth striving for.)  I take a deep breath then begin.  What do I think about?  I try to calm my thinking and ask God to speak to me.  Will He?  I don’t know.  Sometimes I get a thought I haven’t thought of before and it’s to do something, call someone, make amends, just something I wasn’t thinking before, and that is usually God speaking to me.  Sometimes an anxious thought comes up and I can follow that thought to the root of it, and maybe there’s fear, anger, dishonesty, self-seeking or selfish behavior at the root of the anxiety.  But wait, this is meditation…God is supposed to be talking to me!  Well, He IS talking to me, showing me blocks to a better relationship with Him.  I have learned that if I am listening for His voice, He will do the rest.  Sometimes I don’t hear anything and just sit around waiting for some revelation.  Sometimes a sweet, gentle voice says I’m ok the way I am.  And sometimes looking at what I am anxious about shows me what God wants me to let go of.

Meditation is never wasted.  It’s always good for my soul and spirit to slow down, listen to my HP, and take away any lessons I’ve learned.  If I didn’t get any palpable items to do or deal with from the time, then I just can rest in the thought that I was there, God was there, and work was done that I don’t even know about!  Many people meditate for more time than this, many just 3 minutes; the amount of time is not the issue.  It’s the willingness to show up, to allow God to speak if He wants to, to be willing to hear His voice speaking into my life. To be honest, I don’t meditate every day, but just writing now about all the benefits of it make me want to start.  Will you join me in fulfilling the part of the 11^th step prayer that recommends meditation?  I hope so!  In the meantime, I’m going to try to up the number of days I meditate until it’s every day, and then try to up the number of minutes, too!