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Step 9 Forgiveness and Love

NEW ARTICLE!

Make amends if you found any….how about yourself???

Principal of step 9 is LOVE. I suggest this month to look at 1. Have I always loved myself 2. When did I discover that I do and 3. What do I do today to show that I do love myself. Some are doing this. Should I have heard the groans on this first question? I believe that we come to a Twelve Step Program not liking ourselves very much. Just listen to people’s leads.

Think we’ll concentrate on forgiveness and love in this letter. If we haven’t forgiven ourselves something, how can we forgive others. I think forgiveness has to start with self. This does not mean that we condone or support everything we have done. It means that we own it. We accept that we were in the wrong, and then we move on. However sometimes when we recognize we are in the wrong, we slip into our self-centerness, so absorbed and arrogant that often we never reach the stage of forgiveness. Oh there we go again the SELF….self….self….self. Spent too many years on the self prior to OA, not willing to go back there again, too painful. So when we recognize we are in the wrong…it’s time to forgive and move on. If we can’t do that for ourselves how can we ever forgive others? We all need to give and receive forgiveness. I think this is part of being a human being. In our disease we have all done harm to those closest to us. We hurt those we loved the most. I guess it is part of this brutal disease. So to forgive brings relief and care. Forgive ourselves for our actions and forgive others who did not act kindly toward us. When forgiving ourselves and others, be simple, direct, no fanfare. As Dr. Bob would say KEEP IT SIMPLE.

If I still have amends to make to myself or others, I just don’t want to carry all this baggage around anymore. It is just too heavy. Such lightness and freedom in forgiving. And with that lightness and freedom, it is so much easier to love ourselves and others. Sometimes a smile, or a prayer or just listening. I know I need others. We at least most of us live in isolation while in our disease and that was a painful way to live. We don’t need to live that way anymore. I can express my love today and assure my loved ones and my program friends that they are needed. What a wonderful, healthy life. Love is not controlling. Love is placing another’s personal needs above our own, without regret. Love is selfless. Wanting love is a normal human desire, not one we should deny. And we shall receive love, the less our emphasis is on getting it, and more on giving it.

Being loved and knowing that we are loved, assures us of our connection to the world outside of ourselves. At times we do feel unloved. The wonders of love are many. Love is a healing balm for our wounds.

And it nurtures, both the one loving, and the one loved. Love is an energizer. If we aren’t feeling loved, we can love someone else, and probably love will visit us, too.

So today take a look around and give some love to a friend who needs it.

– Anonymous

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ADhD Girl Struggles with Meditation

I have been told that prayer and meditation will help my recovery.  I believe that.  I pray often, throughout the day, but struggle with meditation.  But why?

With this mind racing here and there, thinking about each thing that comes along, how can I get my mind to stand still long enough to meditate? This is what I do: I set a timer for 10 minutes.  (I don’t always make it to 10 minutes but it’s a goal worth striving for.)  I take a deep breath then begin.  What do I think about?  I try to calm my thinking and ask God to speak to me.  Will He?  I don’t know.  Sometimes I get a thought I haven’t thought of before and it’s to do something, call someone, make amends, just something I wasn’t thinking before, and that is usually God speaking to me.  Sometimes an anxious thought comes up and I can follow that thought to the root of it, and maybe there’s fear, anger, dishonesty, self-seeking or selfish behavior at the root of the anxiety.  But wait, this is meditation…God is supposed to be talking to me!  Well, He IS talking to me, showing me blocks to a better relationship with Him.  I have learned that if I am listening for His voice, He will do the rest.  Sometimes I don’t hear anything and just sit around waiting for some revelation.  Sometimes a sweet, gentle voice says I’m ok the way I am.  And sometimes looking at what I am anxious about shows me what God wants me to let go of.

Meditation is never wasted.  It’s always good for my soul and spirit to slow down, listen to my HP, and take away any lessons I’ve learned.  If I didn’t get any palpable items to do or deal with from the time, then I just can rest in the thought that I was there, God was there, and work was done that I don’t even know about!  Many people meditate for more time than this, many just 3 minutes; the amount of time is not the issue.  It’s the willingness to show up, to allow God to speak if He wants to, to be willing to hear His voice speaking into my life. To be honest, I don’t meditate every day, but just writing now about all the benefits of it make me want to start.  Will you join me in fulfilling the part of the 11th step prayer that recommends meditation?  I hope so!  In the meantime, I’m going to try to up the number of days I meditate until it’s every day, and then try to up the number of minutes, too!

– Yvonne C.
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My Very First OA World Service Business Assembly

This past Spring, April 2023, I attended my very first Overeaters Anonymous World Service Business Assembly in Albuquerque, New Mexico.  I was what was called a “Green Dot”, the name given to a newcomer at the assembly, because you are given that dot on your nametag.

It was an amazing experience! Exciting, scary, confusing, chaotic, overwhelming, impressive, inspiring, and a wonderful learning time for this recovery compulsive overeater/food addict.  I was assigned a mentor who supported me every step of the way. I witnessed OA service in action in astounding and loving ways, from my mentor explaining the process, to the patience & willingness of anyone I asked questions of, to the strong dedication and work of the officers and trustees and office staff who have given hours of their time and energy to serve unselfishly, to keep OA going strong. And so much more!

I left Albuquerque and the Assembly that week with a grateful heart and a renewed energy and commitment to serve OA and my recovery in a deeper and stronger way. As I have been told many times throughout my OA recovery – ”You can’t keep it unless you give it away.”  And “We act ourselves into recovery”. I have since become more active with service in my home meeting, my Region 5, and World Service.

It works if we work it!
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Grief and Recovery

As I sit here in Edinburgh, IN while attending the Region 5 Assembly, I reflect on the year 2023. This year has been particularly difficult for me. The year began with my oldest niece going into a coma, after a cardiac event, from which she never recovered! My niece passed away in August. She was just 56, and I had been there when she was a newborn. I literally used to change her diapers! In June, I lost one of my closest friends, a woman I used to play piano for, over the phone, as she lived in New Jersey while I live in Kentucky. She called it ” Piano Night with Ed! Since her passing, I have only sat down to the piano a couple of times. The night before I was scheduled to come to Region, my sister in Ohio called to inform me that my mom had passed! Just as OA has become my family of choice, my mom in Ohio was also my family of choice! She wasn’t my biological mom I lost my biological mom when I was 15. My mom in Ohio became my mom when I went to Xenia, Ohio to go to college in 1976. I was a scared, lonely kid from the streets of Philadelphia; I met my mom and sister, and my brothers while they worked in my school cafeteria. The family adopted me and treated me like I was part of their family! OA adopted me as well! I came to OA with a great deal of grief; still grieving my biological mom’s passing. I wasn’t able to cry about her death until a year after being in recovery. I made a trip to South Carolina where she is buried, and cried over her grave, asking her to forgive me for all the foolish things I did when she was alive. Recovery has been my outlet for dealing with grief; in the past, any form of grief was usually dealt with in excess food. Now I know that the only way to deal with grief is with the principles of the program. One of those principles is gratitude. I am grateful that God put a woman in my life that served as a beacon for my hopes and dreams. For 47 years, my mom in Ohio motivated me to do the best I can do, and to be the best person I could be! I am grateful that my lost friend from piano night, shared so much of her life with me, including both of our love for music, and appreciation for life in general. I am grateful that my niece was able to grow up and see her children become adults and start families of their own. OA has taught me that a pain shared, is a pain halved, and a joy shared, is a joy doubled! The pain of my lost loved ones have been halved in my sharing, and I thank God for the doubling of the joy I have in their memories. Thank God for OA, and thank God for all the memories!

– Ed L.
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A Day in the Life of an Intergroup Chair

According to the Bylaws the duties of the Chair are as follows:

Chairperson: Executive Officer of the Intergroup, having general supervision of its property and affairs, shall;

a. Preside at Intergroup meetings and special meetings as called.

b. Serve as a Representative to Region 5 and a Delegate to World  Service. (10/09)

c. Arrange for meeting rooms when necessary.

d. Serve as ex-officio member of all Committees.

e. Act as a liaison between Intergroups and outside business entities about official business if there are no designated liaisons as assigned by the Bylaws. (11/09)

f. Communicate with the World Service Office if there are questions about Tradition breaks, etc.

g. Be open and available to talk with members about complaints or dissatisfactions.

h. Assume such other powers and duties as are incidental to the Office.

i. Serve on the Executive Board.

So, what does this mean in terms of time and responsibilities. There is nothing I do daily as a chair. For our Intergroup, most of the activity is around the board meeting and Intergroup meeting. For the Board meeting I work with the Secretary on the agenda, getting the ideas from the previous Intergroup meeting to develop the monthly agenda. I preside over the board meeting and guide the conversations around the agenda. For the most part the board meetings last an hour. It is at the board meeting that we discuss what is to be on the agenda for the intergroup meeting. Yearly at the board meeting I work with the board and treasurer set the budget for the coming year. The budget is then approved at the monthly Intergroup meeting. I preside over the intergroup meeting, again guiding the conversations based on the agenda. I manage any voting that may occur based on Robert’s Rules of operation and overall group conscious etiquette. I  respond to any members’ questions or concerns and utilize our Region 5 Trustee Liaison for any questions on traditions.For the Region, I attend Assembly meetings, (twice/year weekend travel) representing Intergroup at the Region. At Assembly I join two Region Committees that help conduct the work for the Region. That appointment is a yearly commitment and usually has monthly meetings and tasks.

For World Service, I am a Delegate representing my Intergroup at the world level. There is a yearly business conference that is five days and requires travel. At World Service you are required to join one Committee and served on the Committee for a year. The Committee meetings are monthly, and tasks are assigned to be completed by the next meeting.

This may all sound like a lot, but it is not overwhelming. There is so much help from what exists and can be reused from past Chairs and Members willing to help. The work is so rewarding to see the growth and strength in our Intergroup and to be part of it. My program and spiritual life has grown with this Service.

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A Day in the Life of an Intergroup Delegate

As an elected Board Member of a great Intergroup, I have been asked to share my “A Day in the Life” with you all.

I have been abstinent for 7 years and 10 months continuously, became a group Rep in 2015, served as Chairperson for the Professional Outreach Committee, 3 years and 1 month as your Treasurer and am finishing up my third year as an elected Delegate. I am also your elected Chairperson for our 2024 Region 5 Convention.

I am semi-retired from corporate customer service and retail management and currently work part-time as a personal shopper and a file maintenance clerk for a large supermarket chain, since November 2020. I am also an Owner, President, CEO of an independent travel agency. Our 8 ½ month old puppy likes to get me up at 4:15 am when my “morning person” husband’s alarm clock goes off, which has been an opportunity for me to spend more time improving my conscious contact with God. I pray, read, write, sit quietly, and listen (if the dog allows it). I attend two OA meetings each week and listen in on the “A Vision for You” daily phone-in meeting a few times a week. I call my Sponsor once a week and send my 10th Step/Nightly Review daily. I am available and willing to Sponsor.

In accordance with Article VIII, C of my Intergroup’s Bylaws, responsibilities of the Delegates shall be as follows:

1) Give service to and support of OA as a whole. I participate in the World Service Unity with Diversity Committee, which meets once every three months, and contribute to the Subcommittee “Diversity in Action,” which meets monthly. The only requirement for OA membership is the desire to stop eating compulsively. ALL ARE WELCOME HERE.

2) Be familiar with the AA Service Manual, The Twelve Concepts of World Service.

3) Attend Executive Board and Intergroup meetings with voting privileges. (1/15) This usually takes place every 1st Monday of each month, but can change depending on the needs of the Board as a whole.

4) Represent Intergroup at Region 5 Assemblies and the annual World Service Business Conference. These events are currently in person and require travel paid for by Intergroup, except the Region 5 Summer Call-in which is held virtually.

5) Prepare for all assemblies and conferences by reviewing World Service Bylaws, Region 5 Bylaws, and all materials provided specifically for each Conference or Assembly. We receive these materials, via email, in advance giving us time to review before each assembly or conference.

6) Submit to Intergroup written and oral reports of all official activities.

7) Correspond with World Service and Region 5 as necessary.

8) Submit in writing an itemized summary of reimbursable expenses within one month after completion of each Region Assembly or WSBC trip. Expense reports are found on our website.

As a Intergroup Board Member I serve on the Supercommittee which is the 12 Step Within, Public Information (PI), and Profession Outreach (PO). I manage the Intergroup meeting list as a part of this/these committees. I also serve on the Ways & Means Committee; I basically house the literature that Intergroup keeps to sell at events. The committee work I have done with Region 5 includes Chair of the Bylaws Committee and working with the Sponsorship and PI/PO Sub-committees. My term for Delegate will be complete at the end of this year, and I will solely be concentrating on the Region 5 2024 Convention.

I have found that when I give back to this program the program gives back to me. I spend more time with my husband, adult children, and dog, than I would if I was living in my addiction. I am closer to my

Higher Power and my spirituality keeps growing and evolving. I take better care of myself. I breathe.

I am grateful for your trust as an elected servant.

Love to all,

– Marilyn D., Intergroup Delegate

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A Day in the Life of an Intergroup Treasurer

A day in my life is boring except for a few days a month. I go to the PO box a few times a month. Then I open the mail & separate any checks to be deposited from any bills to be paid. I fill out a receipt for any donations & email or mail the receipt along with a new donation form and a form listing the percentage & address for World Service, Region 5 & Intergroup. I make a deposit & post it to our bank register. There is a separate page that lists the meeting that made a donation or if it was an individual. I pick up anything at the PO box at the end of the month so it can be deposited that month. Now comes my busy time. I get the information from the bank listing the activities to the account. I do not write many checks because most monthly expenses go on a debit card. The Check Register needs to be completed with any activity and it needs to go on the Monthly Report as income or what expense it is applied to. When it balances, I complete the Monthly Summary which shows total income and expenses. It also includes the yearly summary. I need to have it completed before the monthly Board Meeting and email it to the board members. Following the Board’s approval, these reports are sent out in an e-blast before the Intergroup Meeting. A new month has started & I repeat my actions. At the end of our fiscal year, I have a couple of tax reports to complete.

As a Board member, I am responsible for participating on a committee. I belong to the Super Committee and attend the monthly meeting and participate in any events we plan.

Thank you for allowing me to do service. It makes my program stronger. I really thought I would have a few sentences. I have come to enjoy being involved with the Board & Intergroup. My term is up December 31, 2024. I can’t believe how fast the time is going..

– Gail K., Intergroup Treasurer

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A Day in the Life of an Intergroup Vice Chair

“Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to compulsive overeaters and to practice these principles in all our affairs.”

Step 12 is one of the reasons I chose to run for the position of Vice Chair (VC). To strengthen my recovery Physically, Emotionally and Spiritually – I strive to continue to carry this message to compulsive overeaters. By doing this service I routinely have to look at ALL of the principles of the program – keeping me from falling in to character defects that may cause harm to myself and others.

As VC my responsibilities are, but not limited to, those listed below:

o Attend monthly Board and Intergroup meetings. At these meetings I offer my experience, strength and hope, along with my knowledge of OA steps/traditions to assist with providing services to other compulsive overeaters. In addition to these routine monthly meetings, I attend ad hoc meetings that are needed by the Board to accomplish business.

o Fill in for the position of Chair of in the event that the Chair is unable to attend a meeting and/or the position is open.

o According to the Bylaws, the VC is responsible to Head a Standing Committee. Currently the role of VC has been to chair the Events Committee. As the Chair of this committee, I have the privilege of working with amazing members of OA to coordinate recovery events. Such love and commitment are given by this committee to do 12th step work for our intergroup and OA as a whole. The events currently overseen by the committee are, but not limited to:

  • New Years Day Marathon
  • Unity Day
  • CCI’s annual Retreat (a weekend event)
  • IDEA Day

Events Committee meetings are held monthly and as needed to complete business to allow for scheduled events to be completed in a timely manner. As part of the Committee, I participate with other members to: create and oversee the agenda for the monthly meetings; creating programing for the event; identifying appropriate speakers/topics for the events; preparing outlines for events; acting as the host for the events; communicating with the Intergroup Board as to the goals and status of events for the Committee; work with Intergroup Secretary to insure communication related to events are sent to the fellowship via e-blasts; remaining available to the fellowship to answer any questions/concerns related to the committee or upcoming events; update the monthly Events Summary presented at Intergroup meetings.

I hesitated running for this position due to my own fears and self-esteem. I worked through these with my sponsor, other OA members and most important my HP. I was led to apply for and accept the role of VC. This opportunity has been priceless. My recovery has grown by doing 12th step work. I am grateful and very blessed.

– Karen  B., Intergroup Vice Chair

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A Day in the Life of an Intergroup Secretary

I have to tell you that I get a small thrill when I receive a message from Dorothy at our ccioa@onebox.com that there is a request to be added to our e-blast list. I’m not sure if its because I enjoy database work (weird) or if its because I love growing the list of members, but I do get a little too excited when I receive these emails. This will probably be the little thing that I’ll miss most when I pass off the secretary position to the next member. Since I began tracking in mid-2022, we’ve added 62 new addresses, for a current total of 335.

So, my day as Secretary begins with prayer and meditation, as it says in Step 11, and that actually begins with opening my emails to see what the daily meditation is for me. (That’s when I get to see those messages from Dorothy!)  I most likely will add the address later in the day. I do my best to not send out more than two e-blasts per month, including the Intergroup agenda materials – but often there are flyers/events that we need to be sure the fellowship is aware of. I do not like to bombard members in-boxes with a lot of stuff and I often wonder who even bothers to look at the materials – which truly are informative and helpful, although everything is also eventually posted at our website as well!

According to the Intergroup Bylaws, the Secretary has specific duties, including recording minutes, give notice of meetings, distributing a copy of the agenda, file all resumes of group reps, serve on the Executive Board, etc. (Bylaws, Rev 6/2020). As you are aware, these things I do – some with great delight, i.e., file all resumes. I love to receive a resume (conveniently via email!) to add a new rep to our growing roster – currently 17 registered voters) and then, the best part – I mail them a Welcome New Representative folder!  (Old secretaries die hard – but I do enjoy busy work…)  I enjoy filling up the bright orange pocket folders with a copy of the Intergroup Bylaws, Policy and Procedures, Responsibilities of a Group Representative, Committee Descriptions, current roster of committee chairs, copies of the OA Steps, Traditions and Concepts, as well as the Spiritual Principles of each, and, of course, a welcome letter on behalf of the Board. It does make me feel a sense of accomplishment when I do these small services.

As far as minutes – I have never enjoyed these, which were a major function of my 20-year career – however they are a necessary evil. Minutes can be provided in a variety of ways – simple note taking, bullet points – or as I do, recording every bit of business as though someone who was not in attendance can know exactly what occurred at the meeting. I’m wordy – but that, like it or not, is my nature. As Intergroup Secretary, I record the minutes for the monthly board meeting (first Monday) as well as the intergroup meeting (third Sunday). These I generally put off until the last minute (again, my nature) but so far I have been able to provide them in a timely manner – as per the bylaws. The terrific thing today is that even if I am unable to attend a meeting, the meeting can be recorded, and minutes transcribed from there. One day it will probably be possible for minutes to type themselves. Hallelujah!

When my term as secretary began, the responsibilities were sparse. However, my conscience told me I could take on more and relieve others a bit. So, I assumed the task of creating the agenda, which meant I needed to be aware of what should be discussed and get input from the other officers.  The Chair always approves my draft prior to distribution. As our Standing Rules state, all OA members are invited to place an item on the agenda – but it must be submitted in writing prior to the intergroup meeting. Another task that is not included in the secretary duties, officially, is maintaining the meeting list. Currently this is provided by a member of the Twelve Step Within Committee, but I believe this assignment could be revisited.

Speaking of committees – all intergroup representatives are expected to participate on a committee, and this includes officers. I serve on the “Super Committee” – with a special focus on Twelve Step Within. This is very close to my heart, which feels so sad when members drift away. When I entered these rooms at the age of 30, I knew it was the last house on the block and had no doubt that I had come home – so when I see a member “get it” – and then disappear, I am pained. I do what I can, which is simply to reach out and say hello and let them know the door is always open whenever they want to walk back in.

Well, that’s it. I have put off doing this essay (because, as you know, that is my nature) but it’s really a simple service – and doesn’t really take much of the day. Especially when I reach out to my Higher Power and ask Him to take over – and give me the words.

With gratitude and respect.

– Jo A., Intergroup Secretary

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A Grateful Rep

I arrived to Fall Assembly without my suitcase. I left the darn thing at my house. HP put an outlet mall across the street! I did not need to admit defeat. Shopped and went upscale and not Goodwill (my pal). I am grateful to be clothed in new clothes. Acceptance and hope. HP is with me always and he knows I lose my way sometimes.

– Lynn H.